Private Coverage of the Underground Fembot Athletics

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-Transcript from a privately streamed video transmission, creation date unknown.-

[The screen is completely black. A woman's voice is heard.]

WOMAN'S VOICE: -ing stupid camera shutter ALWAYS sticks whenever I try to... uurrgh!

[The screen immediately goes white, then fades into a coherent image. The interior of an indoor stadium can be seen, with a grand audience filling up the viewing stands. The central field appears to have an elaborate obstacle course being prepared by several robots. A teenage Asian brunette comes into focus.]

WOMAN: Okay! [coughs] Once more, I'm Anise, and I'll be bringing you coverage of the Underground Fembot Athletics competition, the only organized, unorthodox sports event featuring everyone's favorite type of athlete -- [makes a slutty gesture] sexy robot girls. Yeah, we all know what you're really here for, you fucking creepy-ass fetishists. This whole thing is more or less a showcase for all those fembot manufacturers to show off their latest Ultra Power Hexafuck 65535 technology or whatever the shit they... sorry, I got a bit sidetracked there. Ahem.

[The camera pans over to several other women with cameras.]

ANISE: As you can see here, we've got several other amateur reporters broadcasting live, but fuck them. I'm the one who's really important here. Why?

[The camera pans back to a close-up of Anise's face.]

ANISE: Because I know where each of you live.

[The camera zooms back out.]

ANISE: ANYWAY! While we wait for the first event to start, I'd like to acknowledge the following nobodies who made this possible... uhm... [pulls up a Flexiscreen] Dipwads Incorporated (fuck I can't read this super-ultra small font), Cillitbang Ginormics, Optometrist's Revenge, Shit-tech AND FUCK YOU TOO, umm... a bunch of other goddamn companies... oh! And a VERY special FAUNK YOU to Mr. Greedy-Cauc Whogivesashit, ultra-wealthy white man extraordinare and CEO of the largest military/robotics company this side of IDontCaresia, SantoroCorp.

[Anise rolls up her Flexiscreen and tosses it behind the camera.]

ANISE: Well I'm tired, so we're gonna take a short break and then-

OFFSCREEN WOMAN'S VOICE: WAIT WAIT!

ANISE: Oh fucking what it is now.

[A slutty blonde cheerleader abruptly comes into view.]

CHEERLEADER: Heeeyyyyyy viewers~! Don't forget to root for our team!

[Several more cheerleaders begin to crowd in front of the camera, each with their own ridiculous hairstyle.]

ANISE: No. No. No no no no no no ALL THE NO.

[Anise rushes forwards and grabs the camera just as the cheerleaders start flashing their breasts in unison. The letters "S", "I", and "L" can be briefly seen on a few breasts before the camera cuts to a black screen.]


[TECHNICAL FUCKING DIFFICULTIES -- PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF]


[Camera comes back into focus. Anise is carrying a broken disembodied leg.]

ANISE: Man, good thing those cunts were just extras or I would have been... I dunno... arrested... or something. If there's one thing I don't do as a reporter, it's rooting for some team I don't care about. With that said, I'm going to take a short break and come back when they've started the first event. Buh-bye!

[Screen fades to black.]

ANISE: Phew. Okay, slave, give that camera a good cleaning and then make like a footrest.

GIRL'S VOICE: Yes, master.

ANISE: Boy, ripping and tearing really takes a lot out of you. Wha-hey you forgot to turn the damn thing off after you close the shutter!

GIRL'S VOICE: I'm sorry, master!

ANISE: Just for that, I'm g-

[Stream ends.]

-Transcript from a privately streamed video transmission, creation date unknown.-

[Camera fades in. Anise is in the focus.]

ANISE: Aaand we're back! We've got a special guest here; please welcome my good friend from the Scrap Pile, Twilly.

[A robot that looks like a television screen mounted on a wheelchair moves into view.]

TWILLY: It's nice to be here, Cal-

ANISE: It's Anise, Twilly. (What the fuck did I tell you about using my real name in public?)

TWILLY: Anise, yes. It is very nice to be here.

ANISE: Right. Okay, so it looks like they're, uh, starting the first event, the obstacle race, where the participants will have to safely get past quite a number of hazards that would most likely murder your ass if you were a mere fleshling. Fortunately these girls aren't made of some pussy-ass flesh, so that helps.

TWILLY: Oh, doesn't that sound exciting. I want to thank you for taking some time off your busy schedule to help an old robot like me see the things that only happen once in a lifetime.

ANISE: Uh, they do this shit several times a year.

TWILLY: Do they? Oh, heh heh, I didn't know that.

[Camera focuses on the central field.]

ANISE: Okay, it seems the runners are now entering the stadium; up first is some bimbo-looking blonde wearing... WHATEVER that travesty is with the number 01 on it, number 02 is your typical buff athelete type wearing the tiniest sports bra and thong in existence, participant 03 is a goddamn midget, 04 is... [cracks up] oh fuck me, are you serious?! Quick, get a close-up of that FREAK before [dissolves into laughter]

[Camera zooms in on participant 04. She resembles an anthropomorphic pony with comically oversized breasts.]

ANISE: Ahahahahahahah! AHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I'm fucking serious now WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS?! WHO FUCKING BECAME PROJECT MANAGER AND SAID, "Yeah... robo-furries. Do it. Also watermelon boobies." THEY ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT GUY WAS FUCKING SERIOUS?!

TWILLY: Such marvellous new designs! A big step up from when I was in my prime, where the best-looking ones looked like they were made out of metal boxes and tubes.

ANISE: Um, you're like 10 years old, and all you did before you got retired was supervise a car manufacturing plant.

TWILLY: Oh, yes, that might be the reason. Still, I think that one is-

ANISE: It's shit. Look, I know I have higher standards than you, but seriously, that THING looks like it was built in someone's basement. In fact, I think it WAS built in someone's basement.

[Camera focuses on next participant.]

ANISE: Okay, moving on. Next we have 05, a stunning monument of white power and oppression personified (also the color of her cape is just eeuugh), and 06 seems to not be fucking around as she is simply an autonomous power suit with tits.

TWILLY: Ah, the young one who's working the camera... Phia was it? Are you being treated well, dear?

[Phia does not respond.]

ANISE: She's... taken a vow of silence right now. But she's perfectly fine. Perfectly fine.

TWILLY: Oh, I'm glad.

[A gunshot is heard from the central field. The participants start running.]

ANISE: Oh, oh, they're off! It looks like 02 has taken the lead, with 05 and 06 just behind her, and what the-oh. Okay, it looks like 03 has suffered another malfunction and is now masturbating on the starting line.

[Camera zooms in on 03, who is moaning while uncontrollably jabbing her hand in her vagina and spewing liquid all over the floor.]

TWILLY: Is this some kind of strategy?

ANISE: Oh man, this is, what, the fifth time this shit has happened? And they still haven't fixed her yet? Why do they continue to let her participate? A free show? Anyway...

[Camera focuses on the other participants.]

ANISE: Here we go, jumpin' over some spike pits! Seriously, you'd have to be a dumbass to fail that one. And I know a few. Now they're headed for the firing range, 02 and 06 are neck-and-neck, they're dodging all those bullets, 06 has taken a hit but that's not bothering her, and--oooh! 01 just got shot in the tits! Fortunately it seems there wasn't anything important in there, but--oops, it seems that her hate crime of a dress has fallen off her deflated tits and now she's tripped and fallen over. 04 has just overtaken 01 and 05, the four of them are still going strong, but 01 has fallen way behind and I can safely say that she's not going to win this one. Oh well, I guess she'll just have to catch up in the next event.

TWILLY: Oh, I do hope she's alright.

ANISE: Meh. Repair crews are standing by, and each company has like three others in reserve, so I wouldn't be too worried. Alright, my favorite, the electrified grid! Why is it my favorite? If we're lucky, we'll see in a moment. 06 has gained a slight lead over 02, 04 and 05 is tied for third! Let's see if that changes here. Everyone seems to have the timing of the patterns down pat, 06 is still in the lead, 02 is gaining ground, 05 is now third, with 04 just behind her--ohh! 02 timed that jump a little too late and has gotten a nasty shock (oh god that face ahahaha)! But it seems 02 still has her momentum; she's stumbling a bit but she's still giving it all she's got! Meanwhile 06 has cleared the grid, 05 has taken 02's position and is about to--AH HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT! 05's cape just snagged onto a loose corner and now she's being fried, police brutality style! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOOOOO MYYYYY GOD!

[Camera zooms in on 05.]

TWILLY: That reminds me of a wonderful fireworks show I saw just a week ago.

ANISE: HAHAHAHAHA! This fucking scene will go viral, I'm sure! Oh man, she's heating up! Aaannnd SHE'S ON FIRE! AH HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! [coughs, wheezes] That's some Terminator shit right there. Okay, now all that's left... [snickers] for the remaining three... [grins, tries to hide it with her hands] is the razor hurdles. 06 is still leading, 04 is catching up to her, 02 is third but is gaining speed, 01 is WAAAAAAYYYYYYY over there, they're all giving it everything for the final stretch, 02 has overtaken 06; can she hold that position? The finish line is just ahead (holy fuck they STILL haven't taken 03 off the field yet?), 06 is coming close to 02, she's overtaken 02, oh it looks like 04 has tripped over something, she crashes into 02, 02 falls onto a hurdle, gets FUCKING CUT IN HALF, but her huge tits allows her upper half to bounce along the floor and cross the finish line! 02 finishes first, with 06 just two meters behind!

TWILLY: What a remarkable performance! This must be some new kind of strategy!

ANISE: No, it's just stupid fucking luck. So, we have in first place 02, who seems to be celebrating by doing a victory jog with only her hands; 06 comes second and she's promptly heading off for repairs; 04 places third and she's cheering with the crowd and--whoops, her balloon tits just smacked her in the face and she's fallen over. Aaaaaannnnnd 05 is still... [tries to hold in a laugh] on the grid, 01 is trying to get her boobs repaired, and 03... well they've finally carted her off somewhere, but she'll be back I guess. And with that, I'll be taking a break and we'll come back for the beginning of the next event.

TWILLY: Oh, lovely. I wonder what it will be?

ANISE: Eh, more of the same, I'd assume. Okay slave, now let's do it right thi-

[Stream ends.]


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