Naughty or Nice
Part 1
“Would you look at the ass on this elf!?”
Max glanced over from his work to see Anne lifting the skirt of the “Christmas Elf” he had just unboxed. Beneath her frilled green hem, jingling with tiny brass bells, he saw the elf’s shapely contours in stark detail. He was almost mesmerized by the way the red and white of her candy-striped tights stretched across the smooth, round surfaces of her cheeks.
“Uh… yep!” Max agreed, hastily forcing his attention back to prying open the next crate.
“’Yep?’ You see the plum pudding they gave Jingle here, and all you can say is, ‘Yep?!’”
“What am I supposed to say?” he grunted, prying open another corner of the human-sized wooden crate. That ass is not half as nice as yours? Even in her uniform’s drab khakis, Anne’s generous hips and bountiful backside could not be suppressed, its tantalizing swells and the precise curvature of her panty line seared into his mind’s eye.
“I dunno, maybe show some enthusiasm for just how horny this setup is going to be? Oh shit,” she gasped. “These elves are kinda stacked… and I think they even gave them nipples! C’mon Max, check this out - I know you’re a breast man!”
He felt his face flush as he glanced up again, his eyes inadvertently but inevitably finding Anne’s full, round, and perfect breasts, an enticing glimpse of pale cleavage peeking through the unbuttoned grey of her work polo. She beamed as she tested the blankly-staring elf’s chest, her apple-cheeks glowing from a wide grin. “I’m kinda busy here,” Max muttered, starting on the last corner of the crate.
“Jeez, what’s with you tonight?” she asked, moving on to explore the robotic elf’s nearly identical ‘sister’, Sprinkles.
“This just wasn’t how I planned on spending my Friday night!” The crate’s lid groaned as it came loose with a final pry.
“Somewhere you’d rather be than an empty mall with the E-Cell assistant manager and salesperson of the month for November?” Anne asked, a faint pout not entirely sarcastic in her voice.
He dropped the crowbar, startling them both as it hit the floor with a metal clang. “Sorry,” he said, meeting her dark brown eyes. “It’s not you, I just had this sprung on me last minute. Why are you stuck here, anyway? Is Troy picking you up?”
“Maybe I just want to spend some quality time with my work-husband,” she said airily, going back to prodding the elf-bot. Max felt relief when a smile returned to her pink lips. She was right, he should be enjoying a late-night hang with her. Despite seeing her regularly throughout the day, it was nice to be around her after closing. She was so much more relaxed, none of that ‘sales-mode’ she seemed to be stuck in during mall hours. At night, she’d let her dark, auburn hair fall down over her shoulders, undo the top buttons on her shirt... he shook his head, refocusing on the task at hand.
“You know what I think it is?” Max asked aloud, pushing aside the wooden lid. “It’s that last year, we had a human Santa.”
“Buddy, if you’re lamenting the displacement of the human workforce by horny robots…“ she manipulated Sprinkles’ arms until the droid was grabbing its own breasts, “…then you’re a little late to the party.”
“Yeah, yeah, I saw the new girl at the sunglasses store.” A supermodel fitted with cheekbones that had to have been machine-milled.
“The sunglasses girl is when you noticed? Not the garden store? Not Teddy Bear Palace? That artisanal olive oil place? Every barista at every Star Roast? The inform-”
“Wait, olive-oil girl is a robot?!” Max exclaimed. “But she’s always eating those sticky buns!” A second later. “Wait, is the sticky buns guy a robot?”
Anne snorted. “Of course he is. “ While adjusting the elf’s jaw into a rapturous grin, she muttered, “Still wouldn’t mind him stickying my buns, though…”
“But wait, you’re saying they built a robot that craves pastries?”
“And that sells overpriced olive oil! The latest bots do all sorts of ‘behavioral emulations’, ways to appear human so apathetic shoppers and particularly dense IT workers don’t kick up a fuss while all the flesh-and-blood staff are replaced by plastic-and-oil sales drones.”
Max sighed. “Man, I thought I had a real rapport with olive-oil girl.”
“That must be why you call her as ‘olive-oil girl’,” she muttered, carefully tilting the elf’s head back.
“We’re not on a first name basis or anything, but…”
Anne rolled her eyes. “Did you buy some artisanal olive oil from her?”
“Some citrus-infused vinegar, actually,” Max said, a little defensive.
“That is the entire basis of your ‘rapport’, an if-else statement that runs flirt dot E.X.E whenever you pay a five-hundred percent markup.” She finished posing the elf who now appeared to be having a religious experience while grabbing her breasts. “Whereas our relationship will always be strictly unprofessional, and I would never have it tainted by something as tawdry as commerce.”
“You made me fix your broken phone last week!”
“Yes, but I didn’t pay you for it!” she said with prim satisfaction, moving on to pose Jingle.
Max shook his head, glancing at the paper taped to the Styrofoam lid inside the crate, warnings in bold and italics stressing the importance of immediately updating Mrs. Claus after unpacking her. “Robots everywhere… I can’t believe I didn’t notice…”
Anne sidled up next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, cheer up! Is it the existential crisis that's got you down? Or is it olive-oil girl being less Olive, and more oil?”
“You are the literal worst,” Max groaned, trying not to give her the satisfaction of a smile. “Just help me get Mrs. Claus on her feet.”
“Ooh!” Anne exclaimed excitedly, stopping Max before he could remove the inner lid. “Do you think she’s, like, a super sexy dominatrix Mrs. Claus? Because after those two elves…”
“I’m guessing the Eastbrook Mall opted for the more traditional ‘milk-and-cookies granny’.” He pulled up the lid and was a little disappointed to see he was correct. Inside was a quintessential grandmother dressed in red velvet trimmed with white fur, a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles perched on her bulbous nose.
“OK,” Anne said, only slightly deterred, “but what kind of ass is she working with?”
“Probably more prune than plum,” Max replied, the two of them lifting the inert figure out of the crate. “Plug her in, would ya?” He picked up the control tablet, ‘Mrs. Claus’ appearing in the list of devices beneath Jingle and Sprinkles as soon as Anne attached the power cord. He was surprised at the myriad options available when he selected her – among them, a particular slider caught his eye.
“Hey, Anne,” he called, his finger poised.
“Hm?” she asked, pulling her head from beneath Mrs. Claus’s dress.
“Check this out.” Max ramped the slider all the way down – in response, the machinery within Mrs. Claus hummed to life. Her skin drew tight across her as she stood up straight from her stooped posture, her shawl parting slightly from the swell of a bosom filling the blouse beneath. Her gray curls loosened into golden ringlets beneath her lacey bonnet, framing the face of a beautiful woman at least fifty years younger than the one they had unpacked.
After a moment of stunned silence, Anne stalked toward him. “Give! Me! That!” she demanded, snatching the tablet out of his hands.
“Don’t fuck with her too much,” Max cautioned. “I haven’t updated her yet, and-“
“I can’t believe this!” Anne exclaimed, her fingers flitting across the settings screen. “Who knew Mrs. Claus was so into discipline!” She guffawed, then quickly pulled the tablet away when Max tried to see what she was doing. “When I’m done!” Max stepped back, watching with growing curiosity while Anne continued to adjust settings, muttering to herself, “Some of this… definitely this… why, Mrs. Claus, I had no idea!”
“We should probably update her, though…” Max tried again.
Anne ignored him, running her finger swiftly up and down the tablet's surface. The statuesque beauty suddenly withered back to the kind-faced septuagenarian, then immediately springing into her young, gorgeous incarnation. “Naughty! Nice!” Anne repeated as the droid shrank and grew between the two extremes, machinery inside her facilitating this repeated transformation starting to whine and hiss. “Wait, are her boobs getting bigger every time I do this?” Anne muttered, going faster still.
“Anne, I can see smoke!” Max cried, snatching the tablet from her.
“But I’m not done!” she exclaimed in manic glee, snatching it back. “Just let me-“ the tablet suddenly fell from their hands, cracking sharply against the concrete floor.
“Fuck,” Max summarized, looking between the shattered screen and a young, busty Mrs. Claus, smoke wisping from beneath her red bonnet.
“Max…” Anne started, but was cut off by the metronomic clacking of stiletto heels.
Both her and Max turned to the fast-approaching Evangeline Eastbrook, the mall’s heiress, proprietor, manager, spokeswoman, figurehead – her position wasn’t entirely clear, but what Max did know was that she was his superior many times over, and her sudden appearance never made things easier for him.
“What is this shit?!” she demanded, gesturing at the smoldering, voluptuous blond robot and the lewdly displayed elf.
“Ms. Eastbrook, you’re looking lovely this evening!” Anne attempted. It was true, but when wasn’t it? Evangeline was always immaculately put together, a mannequin perfectly proportioned for the sheer pencil skirt suits she wore. There was never a hair out of place in her severe platinum bob, her austere makeup applied with laser-precision across a face no wrinkle or laugh line would dare besmirch.
She turned to Anne. “E-Cell is starting its new holiday promotion tomorrow.”
“Right as ever, Ms-“
“Then why are you here?”
“Just… helping…” Anne finished meekly. With an apologetic look toward Max, she turned and left, managing her departure with some dignity for the first few steps before breaking into an all-out sprint back to her store.
“And I repeat,” Evangeline stated, the weight of her full attention shifting back to Max. “What. Is. This. Shit?”
“We… I fucked up. Completely! But I promise, this will all be fixed by the time we open!” Her perfect lashes closed slightly, focusing her gaze into a drill-press that Max could feel at the exact midpoint between his eyes. “er… fixed before we open! Hours before we open!”
Finally, Evangeline relented. “Let’s hope that you do,” she said, striding over to Sprinkles and restoring the elf to a more natural pose. “And I want these two ‘elves’ plugged into my security system ASAP.”
“...Security?”
“They’re supposedly Holdfast compatible. If so, I could use them in the off-season for patrol and incident response.” Max was having trouble imagining the spritely pair hauling off some rowdy drunk, even if they did lose the tights and bells. “And I want to know if they’re actually going to work, or if I need to send them back.”
“You can count on me,” Max said, trying not to stress over the myriad compatibility issues he was bound to face, given their security system was a few updates behind.
“I suppose we’ll see, won’t we?” Evangeline said coldly before turning away, the clack of her heels echoing in his mind long after her departure.
“Well,” Max sighed, retrieving the cracked and glitching tablet from the ground. “Time to get to work.”
Part 2
“Happy Holidays, Jingle is online!” Jingle the elf cheered to no one in particular, flinging her arms wide in untamed exuberance. She fixed Max with her twinkling hazel eyes and said, “To continue with the setup process, please accept the license agreement on your tablet, OK?”
Max glanced between the grinning bot’s radiant plastic smile and the cracked screen – of course the EULA was hidden behind streaks of broken diodes.
“Do you have a vocal setup process?” Max asked after a few blind taps on what might have been the EULA’s accept button yielded no results.
“Sure, do!” she said with a giggle. “I’ll just need the setup passphrase! You’ll find it, along with several other helpful resources, in the packet marked ‘Start Here.’”
Max sifted through the quick-start guides and colorful offers for upgrades and accessories to transform them into witches, pilgrims, ‘secret shoppers’... He eventually found the card he was looking for. “Um… Register Jingle four X seven… pumpernickel, gumdrop, Vixen.”
She gave a slight shiver, then dove into a somersault, springing up with her bells jingling inches away from him. “Now it’s time to get me hooked up to your network!” she announced, though Max wondered exactly how her programming was guiding her, and why it would have her standing at a distance that could only be described as ‘intimate’. He watched her smiling face, its faintly artificial sheen offset by a smattering of freckles, waiting for her to give some indication why she was this close. But she only stood there, eyes twinkling as they looked into his.
Telling himself he just wanted to ‘see what would happen’, he leaned down to kiss the fay-faced robot on her smiling lips. Immediately she stood on her toes to meet him with a chaste peck, but this was followed by a coy smile that seemed to promise more. “Perhaps you’d like to unwrap your present early…” she said demurely, a finger toying with the ends of her choppy pixie cut.
Max cleared his throat and took a step back, reminding himself that he still needed this job, and getting intimate with the Christmas Elf bot when he had a looming deadline was probably not the best use of his time. “Please connect to network E-M underscore-”
“Sorry?” she said, wearing a confused expression.
“Um… can we resume setup? Y’know, connecting you to our network?”
“Of c-course!” she stammered, her head ticking before her cheery smile returned. “Let’s c-continue with my s-setup!”
“It’s network E-M underscore H-F, and I’ve got the security image… here.” He thumbed through the authenticator on his work phone, showed her the swirling security image. She stared at it, her eyes flashing briefly.
“This is a Holdfast enabled security network. Would you like me to enable my integrated security functionality?”
Max dared to hope it might be just this easy. “Yes, please do.”
She shifted her weight slightly, her face taking on an alarmed expression. “Uh-oh! It looks like you’re not on the latest version! You’ll have to update your Holdfast Security Software before we can continue!”
“Uh… admin override?” he tried.
“Sorry, I don’t know what you mean!”
Max was certain he couldn’t get the network software upgraded in the hours remaining, given that he had been running into strange errors whenever had he attempted over the past week. A wild thought occurred to him, and he approached the elf again, putting his arms around her waist.
“But if you’d like to take a break from the setup process,” she whispered.
“Please try connecting again,” Max said, and she adopted a confused expression before responding with a hesitant, “O-OK!” Max immediately kissed her fully on the lips, feeling an electric shudder course through the bot. When he finally broke from her, she wore a distant, glazed expression.
“C-connectionnnn… up-updaaaate…re-re-re-re-re-re-”
“Try connecting again for me?”
After a long pause, she gave him a vacant smile. “Connection es-st-stablished!”
Max gave a fist pump, daring to hope he might actually sort this out. “Can you configure the other elf?”
“Of course!” Jingle pranced over to the other elf, taking hold of both of her hands. A moment later, Sprinkles’s eyes flew open, her face mirroring her partner’s sugary smile. “Sprinkles is on-line!”
Hoping to carry the momentum, Max said, “OK, now activate Mrs. Claus!”
“You got it!” “Right away!” The two elves skipped over to the busty and broken Mrs. Claus, each taking one of her hands. Jingles looked at the other elf and frowned. “Uh-oh! It looks like Mrs. Claus might need some T.L.C!”
“But don’t worry!” Sprinkles continued. “We can take care of the return process and have her back her, lickity-split!”
“No, no!” Max exclaimed, running up to them. “I need her tonight!”
“Thanks to our fast and easy return process, we can have a replacement shipped within hours, with a guaranteed arrival time of two business days!” Jingle and Sprinkles were already maneuvering Mrs. Claus back into her box, although her youthful and curvaceous transformation was making the fit into the granny-mold packaging difficult. “And if you’ve been watching the calendar as closely as we have, you’ll know that still leaves plenty of time for holiday fun!” Sprinkles gave him a wink that he could only interpret as deliberately antagonizing.
“Before we order the replacement, can you just… let me try to fix her first?”
“I’m sorry, but that would violate her warranty!” Sprinkles said with effusive holiday cheer.
As he considered how kissing might be used to alter their directives once more, Max decided to take a slightly more practical route. “Um… hey, can the two of you do a quick patrol of the mall? Before we handle her return?”
“Of course we can!” Jingle said without hesitation, taking Sprinkles’s hand. “C’mon, Sprinkles!”
Max watched the two elves go skipping off, having his doubts about their off-season utility as guards. “That’s Evangeline’s problem…” Turning back to the awkwardly sprawled Mrs. Claus, half-stuffed into her packaging, Max walked over and tried powering her on with a prolonged press on the back of her neck. He heard a troubling buzzing sound emanating from inside her, culminating in a sharp electric pop! Immediately regretting his decision, Max was about to power her off again when her eyes fluttered open. She stared outward vacantly for several seconds before Max asked, “Mrs. Claus? Are you online?”
Her eyes narrowed, fixing him with a contemptuous glare. “Someone has been a very naughty boy!”
Max chuckled. “You don’t know the half of <urk!>” Mrs. Claus’s hand shot out, gripping his throat as she extracted herself from her packaging.
“And someone needs to be taught some respect!” she continued, drawing herself up on her feet. Max immediately regretted letting Anne have the tablet at all, certain that this combination of a haughty and imposing Mrs. Claus was entirely her doing.
“Power off!” Max wheezed, clutching at her grip. Dozens of protocols and safety features have intervened before her hand exerted even the slightest pressure on his neck, but clearly there were a number of things not quite right with this bot.
“Every year, children around the world conduct themselves with d-dig-dignity and obedience,” she continued, ignoring his command as a slight electric stutter marred her speech.
“S-stop choking me!”
She dropped him to the ground, planting a black leather boot upon his chest and forcing him on his back when he tried to sit up. “And here you are, flaunting their example by reveling in wickedness and perversity!”
“Mrs. Claus, help!” Max tried, hoping to trigger the aid protocol that was present in almost every ‘bot.
“I intend to!” she said in a discomforting whisper, leaning forward with her golden ringlets spilling over her shoulders, her large bust gently shifting beneath a blouse whose straining buttons were poised to be sent flying at any moment. “And that begins with the fun-fun-fundamentallllsszzz-“ her blue eyes crossed, a whisp of smoke drifting from her scowling lips, and Mrs. Claus froze. Max quickly tried to push her boot off his chest, but this only succeeded in destabilizing the bot. With a squeal from her protesting servos, Mrs. Claus collapsed on top of him, her chest smothering his face.
Under most other circumstances, Max would be delighted to be buried in such an ample bosom, silicon or no – but even ignoring the job he needed to do, this bot was proving to be far too unstable for comfort. Pushing her juddering form to one side, he scrambled on all fours for her packaging to find her administrator pass-phrase, only to feel a hand grab him by the ankle.
“Wheerrrrrre d-do you think you’re g-g-going?” she asked, pulling him effortlessly across the polished mall flooring before sitting heavily upon his back.
“Oof! Mrs. Claus, you need to power down, you’re dangerously malfunctioning and-“ Max’s cut his desperate plea short when he heard another voice sounding even more frustrated than his own.
“You’re not listening, I work here!”
Glancing behind him past the blonde bot perched upon his back, he saw Anne being dragged toward the display by Jingle and Sprinkles, the elf ‘sisters’ smiling pleasantly despite Anne’s protests.
“What are you two doing?!” Max exclaimed. “Let her go!”
The two bots immediately complied, though Sprinkles began, “This unit is running compromised software and presents a severity one threat to-“
“Yes, I’ll update you as soon as I can!” Max interrupted, watching as Anne’s own panic-stricken face gave way to wide-eyed amazement at his current predicament.
“So, uh, Max. How’s the setup going?”
Delivering a quick swat to Max’s backside, Mrs. Claus responded, “Max has been a very naughty b-boy!”
“He has, hasn’t he?” Anne said with a smirk. “If only someone could teach him some discipline.”
Mrs. Claus gave an arch laugh that quickly became corrupted with static.
“What the fuck, Anne!?” Max gasped. “This is… she’s…here, there’s an admin passphrase in her box, just read it to her and get her the fuck off of me.”
“Now, when you say, ‘in her box’,” Anne recoiled at the look Max gave her and stepped over to Mrs. Claus’s packaging, rummaging through it while the buxom blonde produced another series of sparks from her absently staring head. “OK!” Anne announced, pulling out a stiff piece of card stock. “Listen up Mrs. Claus X twenty-three… `Candy-Cane, Tinsel, Donner, Dew-Drop.’”
Mrs. Claus shuddered, giving off more sparks. “W-would you like to begin the setup process?” she asked calmly.
Anne chewed her lip for a moment, ignoring the initially incredulous and then desperate shakes of Max’s head. “Mmm… how about first you punish that very naughty boy you’re sitting on.”
“Oh my god, Anne!” Max gasped, trying to wriggle out beneath the Mrs. Claus-bot while she quickly pinned him to the floor.
Anne smirked. “Hey, you started this when you sent the elves after me…”
“That wasn’t on purpose!”
She shrugged. “It also wasn’t as funny.”
Mrs. Claus leaned in close, whispering, “This will go much better for you if you j-just accept your punishment…”
“Alright, Anne,” Max muttered, craning his neck to see the two stock-still elf-bots. “Jingle! Sprinkles! Whatever Mrs. Claus does to me, I want you to do to Anne!”
Anne looked confused for a moment right before the elves pounced on her, knocking her to the mall floor and then sitting across her back in tandem.
“Touché,” muttered Anne, looking across the vinyl floor at her similarly compromised co-worker.
“Balls in your court,” Max remarked, patiently waiting for her to end this. But when she only grinned at him, Max was forced to admit he had grossly underestimated what she was willing to tolerate.
Part 3
“What are you waiting for?!” Anne asked the shuddering Mrs. Claus. In response, the buxom bot sat upright with a whir, raised a hand, and brought it swiftly down upon Max’s backside in a sharp swat across his trousers. While Max recoiled from the strike, the elf-bots did as he had instructed and mirrored the motion, a pair of slaps across Anne’s larger posterior. Anne only grinned and said, “Mrs. Claus, I think Max’s pants are getting in the way of proper punishment.”
“Anne, what the fuck!? This looks bad enough as it is – but if Evangeline finds us with… stop that!” Mrs. Claus dutifully began to work at his button and zipper, her stiff mechanical fingers overpowering his own attempts to remain fully clothed until she tore his khakis free with a sharp tug. Across from him, it seemed Anne was actually helping the elves, wriggling her hips as they both drew her own khakis across her wide curves – and he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of her black panties, their elastic biting into the plush expanse of an ass that fully lived up to his embarrassingly frequent imaginings.
A sudden slap across his boxers stunned him from his reverie, and the two elves spanking Anne stunned him back into it. He felt confused, aroused, and incredibly frustrated at this predicament, calling out, “Anne! What is it you’re trying to do here?!”
She flashed a knowing grin, biting her lip when the elves swatted her rump once more in response to Mrs. Claus’s continued punishment. “Can’t you just enjoy the moment?” Seeing his forlorn expression, she sighed, and said, “You know, all you’d have to do is spank her right back.”
“Wha? How?!” In what was meant to be a demonstration of futility, he attempted moving his arms to reach Mrs. Claus’s butt where it sat upon his waist, only to discover he actually could. Abandoning his complaint of the impossibility of it, he instead argued the practicality: “And what exactly is that supposed to accomplish!?”
“Just give it a go!”
Not expecting much, Max contorted his arm and blindly delivered as solid a swat on Mrs. Claus’s curvaceous rump as he could. Beneath her woolen coat, he felt the give of her plastic backside, followed by the bot sitting bolt upright. There was a looping buzzing sound, every time ending in a sharp electric snap. “What’s happening?” Max asked.
“In simple terms,” Anne explained, “you attempted to reverse her role from dom to sub, but it looks like she’s having some trouble switching gears. In fact, she seems to be locked in a feedback loop that’s only going to end when her CPU overheats to the point of igniting her inadequately shielded cranial battery pack.”
“She’s going to explode because I touched her butt!?”
“To be fair, you spanked that ass! And to even fair-er, she was not in a good state when this whole thing kicked off.”
“When you made her tackle me!” Max said, writhing out from beneath the bot as she sank on her haunches, her head twitching, smoke beginning to leak from her mouth and ears. “Mrs. Claus, shut down! Power off! Emergency shut down!” he tried, almost tripping over his pants as he scrambled to her packaging and frantically flipped through the minimal ‘quick-start’ guide for some clue on how to power her off.
“Just sit back and watch the show!” Anne suggested, still pinned by the two elves with her own khakis around her thighs.
“If Mrs. Claus literally explodes, I’m fucking done here!” Max ran over to the smoldering bot, putting his fingers beneath her chin and at her temples, pressing firmly for several seconds. He only felt her becoming warmer to the touch as one of her eyes squinted at him. “N-naught-t-tyyyy b-b-boyyyy!”
Anne rolled her eyes. “So you lose your job at a place that has fired ninety percent of its human staff only a few months before they figure out how to shitcan the remaining ten?”
“IF that happens, that’s two months where I can still make rent!” Max leaped back from Mrs. Claus at the sudden eruption of sparks. There was a fizzling sound, and Mrs. Claus’s head shot from side to side, strands of her synthetic her blonde hair wilting from the heat. “Naught-t-t-tyyy not-not-not niiiiice not naughty not naught nice not-“ she squealed in an increasingly high-pitched tone. With a final chastising look at Max and a clear pronouncement of “Naughty!”, her head went up in an almost festive explosion of tinsel and flame.
Max uncoiled from his defensive crouch, staring at the smoke and sparks still pouring from the jagged remnants of the robotic Mrs. Claus’s neck, when he heard a voice shriek, “What in the name of God is happening here?!” The rapid clacking of Evangeline’s approach sent Max’s already frazzled nerves into a state of sheer panic. Even Anne appeared flustered, hastily working at her phone.
Knowing this was an entirely lost cause, that there was nothing he could say or do that would change the outcome, Max sheepishly pulled up his ripped pants and said, “Ms. Eastbrook, there is an explanation...”
“For why Mrs. Claus’s head just exploded? For why those two elves are straddling Miss Keyes’s pelvis? Perhaps there is even a very good reason why her trousers are currently around her knees?”
“Elves on a pelvis,” Anne muttered to herself, still working at her phone.
“Is there something you wish to to add, Miss Keyes?” Evangeline snapped.
Something seemed to have changed in Anne, her attention entirely focused on her phone as her thumbs worked furiously at the screen. “Actually, yeah,” she said, working up the courage. “Max, I wanted to give this to you as a Christmas present, and I know it’s only November, but…”
“Enough!” Evangeline shouted. “I want both of you t-to.” She had a sudden nervous tick, cleared her throat, and began again. “I want b-b-both of of yooouuuu-“ Her words came at a slow drawl, her face locking into a sneer. Max didn’t know what to think - Was she having an aneurysm?!
“Unit compromised!” Jingles and Sprinkles both exclaimed, leaping up from Anne to rush toward Evangeline.
“What are you – get off of me!” Evangeline suddenly came to, trying to push the elf-bots away as they took her by either arm. “Max! Get control of these things!”
“Stop! Jingle, Sprinkles, let her go!” Max shouted, darkly amazed that the situation was still somehow getting worse for him and Anne. “Anne, are you controlling them?!”
“Not even a little!” Anne said, making no attempt to hide the delight in her voice.
“Sorry, but this unit must be powered down,” Jingle said, struggling to maintain her hold on Evangeline.
“And quarantined from the network!” Sprinkles added.
“Then power down!” Max commanded, rushing to aid his very-soon-to-be-ex boss.
“Unable to comply!” they both squealed in unison. “I am engaged in an active severity one security incident!”
“Max!” Evangeline hissed, her face contorted into a level of fury he had never before witnessed. “Get these two bots under control NOW!“
“Right! Uh…” resorting to the only thing that had worked before, Max swallowed and grabbed each of the elves by their surprisingly soft backsides, delivering a firm squeeze with both hands. Jingle and Sprinkles abruptly stopped grappling with Evangeline, jolting upright with an expression somewhere between, “Holiday Cheer” and “Unexpected Groping Exception.”
“Jingle? Sprinkles?” Max said, giving the springy material in each hand a vigorous massage, feeling their skin-tight leggings slipping across their smooth artificial skin. “Prepare to transfer administrative rights to Evangeline Eastbrook. Ms. Eastbrook, could you identify?”
“Yes, I’m Evangeline Eastbrook!” she barked, finally able to pull her arms free, beads of sweat forming on her formerly implacable brow.
“Initiate rights transfer now,” Max said, hoping this would work and that whatever madness was infecting them, they wouldn’t be able to take direct action against their admin. He drew back his hands and gave them each a spank for good measure.
“Transferred!” chirped Jingle, beaming like a maniac.
“T-transferrred!” Sprinkles voiced a half-second later. She suddenly turned to her partner and said, “Error – unit is under the control of a compromised A.I”
“Error!” Jingle responded, reminding Max of a petulant child as she repeated her companion’s line verbatim. “Unit is under the control of a-ack!” Her voice was cut short when Sprinkles lunged at her, and the two Elf robots immediately became locked in a wrestling match amid the high-pitched squeals of their vocalizations and their servos.
“I am fucking done with this shit!” Evangeline said, stepping around the two grappling bots to confront Max.
Shrinking from her approach, he pointed behind her and said, “If you don’t do something, they’re gonna tear each other to bits!” At that very moment, he saw Jingle rip open Sprinkle’s blouse, presumably trying to gain access to her core access panel.
“GOOD!” Evangeline roared. “Because THAT would be an easy warranty case to make! Whereas I don’t know HOW I’m going to explain what the two of you have done to Mrs. Claus.”
“Max introduced a conflict in her directive-“
“Anne, SHUT UP!”
“jus sayin’…”
Behind Evangeline, Jingle tossed aside the shredded remnants of Sprinkles’s top, exposing her candy-cane striped bra, while Sprinkles has managed to remove the same undergarment from her partner, Jingle’s pert plastic breasts bouncing wildly in the melee.
“Can we just get this over with,” Max asked, tearing his attention away from the robotic-Christmas-elf fight to the death. “I’m fired, right?”
“Obviously!” Evangeline paused, brushing the sweat from her forehead. “What’s more, you’ll be facing felony charges for what you’ve done here!”
Max flinched. “Wh-what felonies?!”
“Mmmmm,” Anne piped up, still lying on the ground, focused on her phone. “I’ll show you the list.”
“Anne, would you please start taking this seriously?” Max hissed.
“Neutra-tralize-lized!” Jingle announced, her fist now embedded in the chest of her counterpart, Sprinkles staring at the opening into her electronic inner workings with the same enthusiasm that she had exhibited since being powered on. Her bright eyes became crossed, smoke wafting from her smiling pink lips, as she squeaked, “Ha-happy me-merry en-en-enjoy hol-hol-holidayyyyy sea-sea-seasonnnnnn-!” Jingle tore her arm free, wrenching the core and most of its housing from the bot’s cavity. Sprinkles wavered for a few seconds before tipping forward, hitting the flooring hard with a plastic crunch. Jingle stood, twitching and topless, her tattered green dress falling away to leave her in nothing but her torn candy-stripe leggings and her jingling elf-shoes.
Evangeline seemed annoyed that she was still operational, but also seemed incredibly fatigued by the entire ordeal. “Elf-bot!” she demanded, loosening a button on her blouse while fanning herself with her free hand. “Take these two idiots to loss prevention.” She faced Max while the topless robotic elf took his arm, and said, “You both can wait there until the police arrive.”
“Mmmm,” Anne piped up again, still on her phone. “Not happening.”
“And why is th-that?” Evangeline stammered, hardly able to contain her fury, and frustrated even further when Jingle seemed to grind to a halt.
“Merry Christmas, Max!” Anne announced, tapping her phone. Max heard the mall powering up as shutters opened, store lights flicked on, and a banal holiday instrumental filled the air.
“What are you doing?” Max asked.
“Activating a virus in every bot – well, almost every bot – in the mall.”
Max glanced around nervously as various sales droids emerged from supply closets and storage rooms in a strange processional – dozens of beautiful sales droids vacantly opening up their respective shops. “What virus?” he asked.
“For that, I’ll turn to Miss Eastbrook’s to help explain. Or rather, demonstrate.” Max slowly turned from Anne to Evangeline, the ever-impeccably-dressed administrator undoing a second button on her blouse, frantically fanning herself, no longer following their conversation.
“Miss Eastbrook is… she’s a…?”
Above Evangeline’s tanned cleavage, a vent suddenly sprang open, and Max heard a number of fans wining in desperation.
Part 4
“You’ve d-done something to the climate control system!” Evangeline growled, the sudden vent on her chest going without notice or comment.
“I guess you could say that?” Anne said, finally putting her phone down and resting her chin on her arms, watching her manager with a look amusement. “Like in a very, very localized sense…”
Evangeline removed her jacket, her white blouse becoming translucent from the profusion of sweat – or coolant – beading across her body. “Whatever you’ve d-d-done,” she snarled at Anne. “t-turn it back down!”
“Is she – is she going to end up like Mrs. Claus?” Max could not stand Miss Eastbrook, but even if she was a robot, she was something more complex than the one that now sat headless only a few feet from her. It didn’t feel right just to watch her get destroyed.
Anne cocked her head. “Are you, like, actually worried about the fate of our tyrannical robot oppressor?”
“Yes?” Max said. “Like, she seems… she’s… she managed to fool both of us!”
“Let’s be real, every bot in this mall had you fooled. And not a single one of them has an ounce more computational power than that topless elf.” Jingle glanced down at Anne at the mention of ‘elf’, but displayed no further sign of comprehension.
Evangeline also didn’t seem to be following the conversation at this point, breathing heavily and fanning herself at a near impossible speed with both hands over the shrill scream of her internal cooling system.
“But she’s a lot more advanced than any of them, right?”
Anne’s incredulous expression faded, replaced by a look so sweet that he was certain she was about to eviscerate him with a sarcastic quip – but instead, she picked up her phone and quietly said, “Oh Max, you big softy…”
Suddenly, Evangeline froze, her head shivering into a confused stare while her fans seemed to be spinning down.
“What happened?”
“I got her out of there,” Anne said. “So whenever you feel like restoring the AI who is threatening you with jailtime, you now have that option! Oh, but that bot is still turbo-fucked.”
“Hi!” the bot that had been Evangeline exclaimed, putting on a smile he had only seen Evangeline wear when touring the mall with prospective investors. “I’m a-a-a busineswomannnn, and I’d love to show you the exciting opportunities we have for you at the missing retail con-configuration!” She beckoned him with a jerk of her head and a short, artificial laugh, saying, “Let me give you the guided tour!”
“So, she’s like…” Max looked at Anne searchingly.
“Pre-upgrade stock personality and missing a ton of her software configuration and customization,” Anne responded. “And, as I mentioned, turbo-fucked.”
“C’mon, let me g-give you the guided t-tour! The guided tour!” the sales-bot announced, wheeling about to almost trip over the slumped Mrs. Claus. She barely recovered, teetering on her heels as she gestured to the busty bot, smoke and sparks still drifting from her neck. “Holidays are always an exciting opportunity here at MALL, and we spare no expense in creating an exciting atmosphere to delight shoppers and their families!”
When Max only looked between this grinning sales-bot and Anne, Anne could barely contain herself. “Ohmygod Max, don’t just stand there, play with her!”
“Oh, uh…” Max looked back at her. “So… you know that, like… umm… like, you can see that this Mrs. Claus doesn’t have a head, right?”
The sales bot twitched, her smile growing even wider as her eyelids began to flutter. “Under c-construction, p-please pardon our mess!” she stammered, quickly pivoting toward the topless Jingle. “And if you look over here, you can see that our delightful and exciting Holiday Elf has a head, a feature a lot of our shoppers notice a-and appreciate here at MALL!”
“Dooooo your shoppers…” Max began slowly, “…also notice and appreciate bare breasts?” He glanced back at Anne, who gave him an encouraging thumbs-up.
It was clear from her shuddering movements and the acceleration of fans that the sales-droid was struggling to come up with a remotely appropriate response. Amid the whining buzz of her machinery, she finally blurted, “Yes! They are in-in-indistinguishable from the r-real th-thing! In fact, some shoppers say they even p-prefer them!”
Max blinked. “But… if they’re indistinguishable, then how could anyone have a preference?”
“Oh! Well! You s-s-s-seeeeeeee-“ the sales droid stammered, smoke once again rising from her. “You have to f-f-feel them to un-un-understand!” Her arm shot out, giving the elf-bot’s breasts a demonstrative squeeze.
Jingle directed her attention straight at the sales droid, cheerfully announcing, “Unit compromised!” She pawed ineffectually at the sales-droid’s body who in turn continued to work the elf-bot’s breasts in firm but halting motions, the elf-bot’s head ticking back and forth.
“F-feel th-them!” the sales-droid barked, grabbing Max’s wrist and stuffing his hand into Jingle’s pert chest. “Com-compare!” Grabbing his other hand, she plunged it into her own more bountiful cleavage where he could feel the heat blasting from her open vents.
“So, Max – can you feel the difference?” Anne teased.
He certainly could – the heat radiating from the sales-droid left her breasts with a tacky texture to them. The elf-bot felt far more natural, though his fingers tingled from an electric charge buzzing through her. But when he tried to make a witty observation for Anne’s benefit, he found himself tongue tied, still rather self-conscious. “Umm… they’re both… nice?” he offered.
Anne sighed, then shouted, “What about her ass?!”
The sales droid blinked for a long while, Max’s tentative fondling destabilizing her even further. “N-no detail-tail-tail is overlooked when pre-preparing for the holiday seaassszzzzzonnnnnn!” She roughly pulled his hands free, planting one on the elf-bot’s round rump, and shoving the other up the back of her own skirt. “What d-d-do you th-thinnnnk?” She asked, accompanied by a sudden flourish of sparks from her open panel.
One of Max’s hands cupped the absurdly bubbly backside of Jingle, the other half-tangled in sales-droid’s panties. He gave each a squeeze, the sales-droid delivered a sudden gasp and more sparks, while Jingle’s own hands suddenly seized upon the sales droid’s jawline. “U-u-uuuuunit compromised!” she chirped again. With the straining of servos, the elf-bot began to pull on the sales-droid’s head, the sales-droid still awaiting Max’s answer.
“Is the elf supposed to do that?” Max asked just as he heard a metallic snap from inside the sales-droid’s neck.
“Of c-c-courszzzze!” she responded, taking no action while Jingle strained harder, a few lights flaring from within her throat. “Here at MALL, we maintain an on-site staff of t-t-top tierrrrr I-T-T-T workers to ensurrrre all our ro-robotic-ic-ic assistants neverrrrr mal-mal-mal-mallll-“ Max felt the sales-droid’s ass clench suddenly as Jingle tore her head from her shoulders, sparks and coolant spraying down the sales droid’s open blouse. The fluid seeping through the vent triggered another wave of sparks, the headless body quivering with splayed fingers while smoke poured insider her. With a final tug, Jingle snapped the head free from the few lingering wires. The sales-droid never lost her smile, and even managed to finish her sentence with a tinny, “-malfunctionnnnnnn!”
Jingle unceremoniously dropped the platinum-blonde head to the floor, turning to face Max with an impish grin. “D-do you want t-t-to unnnnnnwrap your p-present early?” He could sense the heat coursing from her, through the shimmer in the air around her and from her rapidly warming ass.
“Should I be worried here?” Max asked.
Anne finally bothered to pull up her khakis, still grinning at the smoldering body that had formerly been Evangeline’s. Engaging with her phone again, she asked, “So… what happens if you smack that booty?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Max followed through on Anne’s idle speculation. Drawing back his hand, he brought it firmly against the elf’s bubbly backside, which suddenly began to shiver and hum. The elf stiffened as a ‘beeping’ emanated from inside her.
“Hmmm… might want to give her some room,” Anne cautioned, and he quickly moved beside her while the beeping sound continued from inside Jingle at a slow but accelerating tempo. “Earrrlyyyyy? P-p-presennnts?” The elf stumbled toward them, but seemed unable to make progress for after every few steps, she’d go stumbling back. “Wwweee b-build t-toys f-f-orrr g-g-girls and b-b-boyssss!” she sang, breasts bouncing amid her stiff movements. Steam drifted from her pointed ears, patches of her skin glowing an unsettling red.
“Anne, are you sure we shouldn’t-“
“Shut up and watch!”
Now frozen in place, the elf-bot quivered with an intense, manic grin, smoke pouring from every orifice and several unseen seams while the beeping accelerated into a steady tone, her backside still vibrating wildly. “M-mm-merrryyyyy-!” A moment later, the sizzling elf-bot erupted in a percussive explosion, plastic and silicon and fragments of candy-cane striped legs sailing overhead as Max and Anne reflexively ducked away.
“Ho-ly shit!” Anne exclaimed, overjoyed at the outcome while Max could only stare at the mess. What was meant to be a festive diorama of Santa’s workshop was a tawdry mess of broken robots and smoldering electronics.
Max felt more of a sinking feeling as he surveyed the scene. “I, uh… think we should probably… leave?”
“Max!” Anne said, grabbing him by the shoulders, then spinning him around. “Look! At! All! These! Bots!” Max saw the cheery pink-haired girl in her bows and apron behind the counter at the brightly lit candy-shop. At the mattress store, he saw that tightly-wound, dark-haired girl who was always hard-selling, now diligently prepping the show room, her stiff posture seemingly heightened by whatever Anne had done. Down the way were the discordant sounds of the arcade. Max noticed the casual goth girl he assumed just haunted the place was putting out a sign displaying an upcoming tournament schedule. “Every one of them is dialed up to a hundred and ten and ready to serve! So before we fuck off from this mall forever, I say we make this a night to remember.”
“Anne-“
“Listen to me! The security system is taken care of, we have this entire place to ourselves, and you owe Eastbrook Holdings LL fucking C absolutely nothing. What they’re gonna get when they come in tomorrow is a complete catastro-fuck of bots in pieces, and a lesson of what can happen when you spend inordinate amounts of money just to ensure you don’t have to share any of it with actual human fucking beings!”
“But-“
“No ‘buts’, Max!” Anne was practically trembling. “I wasn’t progra-“ She froze, a look of absolute shock on her face. Taking a moment to calm herself, she started again. “I didn’t have to do it this way, you know! I could’ve just blown these bots to bits while slow-walking out the main entrance, but I wanted us to have some fun on our last night together!”
“Wait, what was that… what do you mean, ‘our last night together’?”
“I… I mean at this mall! C’mon, Max!”
Max still wasn’t convinced she had done all of this for him, but he could not shake the appeal of what was she was offering, nor the understanding that he’d never have a chance at something like this again. Part of him just wanted to take Anne and go, sort out the mess with the disembodied AI that was Evangeline, maybe even find a way to keep their jobs. Then again… “We’re already on the naughty list,” Max said, looking at the bot in the candy shop. “Fine, let’s have some fun.”
Anne beamed at him, turning up the twee rendition of Sleigh Ride pumping through the mall speakers. “That’s the spirit! Merry fucking Christmas, Max!”
Part 5
Max took a deep breath and marched toward the candy store. his eyes fixed on the cheery bubble-gum-haired clerk. She wore a vibrant pink and white dress, matching the shop's searingly sweet pastel aesthetic, standing at vacant attention behind the counter. The moment he entered, she flashed a brilliant smile, clasping her hands in front of an apron drawn tight against her full bosom. "Welcome to the Sweet Shop!" she said in a treacly squeak. "Are you interested in t-t-trying any samples?"
There was a manic intensity to her that Max fully attributed to Anne's meddling, and he wondered how little it would take before she… broke? Malfunctioned? Exploded? He felt a jab in the back from Anne, and cleared his throat. "Yeah, uh… I'd like to… sample your sweets?"
She giggled, her hand toying with the buttons on her blouse. "Something sweet? Something s-sour? Wh-what's your f-favorite flavor of ice c-c-cream?" She had undone the buttons so casually that Max only noticed when her cleavage was fully visible behind the frill of her apron.
"V-vanilla?" Max responded, and he heard Anne snort. Turning to her, he defensively asked, "What?"
"Help me out here, what's the flavor that's a metaphor for the most boring thing imaginable? Is it Pistachio? Rocky road? Neapolitan…?"
"Vanilla's a classic! Just because everyone likes a thing doesn't mean-"
Anne cut him off, directing his attention back toward the sweet shop girl. She was bent over the ice cream case, her ripe cleavage on full display, jiggling as she mined a heaping scoop.
"Stop arguing with me and go fuuuuck with her!" Anne insisted, pantomiming a suggestion by cupping her own breasts through her shirt and giving them a playful squeeze.
"But I like arguing with you," Max muttered, hoping his gaze wasn't beyond what Anne would consider polite when making a show of playing with her tits. He turned back to the ice cream case, uncertain if the sweet-shop girl's protracted efforts and the presentation of her cleavage were her way of flirting or whether it was just difficulty stemming from Anne's virus. After stacking a massive scoop on the cone, she went back for another, providing another eyeful of her breasts cupped by the lacy trim of her pink bra.
Despite Anne's prodding, Max just stood back and watched until the shop girl emerged from the case with two giant scoops of vanilla ice cream perched precariously on a cone held beside her ample chest. "H-here's your s-s-sample!" she chirped.
Max couldn't decide whether to reach for her or for the cone, and he heard Anne mutter, "Any day now…"
Max cleared his throat. "Oh, uh… my friend over there thinks vanilla is boring. Maybe you can add something more exciting to the mix?"
The sweet-shop-bot's head cocked to the side, blinking at Max in uncertainty. "More ex-exciting?"
"Yeah, like… what would you recommend to spice things up?"
A subtle shiver went through the shop-bot's body, as if asking her for anything more than a specific flavor was taxing the limits of her systems. "Ummm…" she said, and Max could hear fans beginning to whir in the bot's voluptuous frame as she stalled for more processing time. "Ummm…" A panel sprang open on her chest, just above her double-scoop of cleavage, a thin trail of smoke drifting from inside. "Ummmmmmmm…?" Max could feel the heat radiating from her even across the counter, her complexion warming to a bright peach color. Rivulets of vanilla ran down the teetering helping of ice cream, and one of the scoops sloughed to the side, spilling over the edge of the cone to plop directly into the bot's open chest panel.
Max recoiled from the sudden blast of sparks erupting from her, the generous scoop of ice cream melting quickly into her internal systems, streams of liquid vanilla running across her breasts. Her glassy eyes opened wider as an accelerating beeping blared from somewhere inside her.
"I-I-If you g-give me j-just a moment, I w-w-will be with yyyouuu-" she stammered in a digitized voice, seizing up entirely, smoke gushing from her smiling lips, her eyes staring forward blankly. The beeping was now a shrill whine, electricity crackling across tits slathered in melted ice cream.
"V-vanilla is always a cu-cus-customer favorite!" the sweet shop girl announced with a large, plastic smile before exploding, plastic and circuitry pinging across glass jars of candy, the scent of charred electronics overpowering the shop's saccharine sweet aroma.
"Holy shit!" Max exclaimed, looking back at Anne. "Are you OK?!"
Anne gave Max a very serious look, tenting her fingers in front of her lips.
"It was a nice finish, but that was more luck than skill." Anne placed a hand on Max's shoulder, taking a moment to flick a clump of pink hair partially fused with the fragment of a circuitboard. "Max, I need you to do more with this."
"Anne, she exploded!"
"Oh, for sure - Miss Two-Scoops did great. My notes are all for you! Where was the passion!? The get-back!? Max, where was the horny!?"
Max flushed, hyper-focused on her hand now squeezing his shoulder. "Er… Anne, what exactly are you suggesting I-"
Anne scrunched her nose, shaking her head. "No, I see it now - It's me!" Before Max could vocalize a word of the fervent rebuke bubbling up inside him, Anne continued, pulling her hand back to smash a fist into her palm. "How can I expect you to be uninhibited when I'm looking over your shoulder, being all judgy! I should be supportive, on the other side of the mall!" She bit her lip, "Maybe in the food court, with Mr. Sticky Buns…"
Max gestured to the largest remaining piece of the sweet-shop-bot, saying, "It's not that I don't appreciate this… this, uh…"
"Turbo fuck virus," Anne helped.
"Sure, but I'd rather we do this together!"
"And we will! However, right now you need to get in the right headspace, and you're not gonna do that with me here. Go! Have fun! Lose those inhibitions!" Anne patted his cheek, then turned on her heel. "Then come find me by the cinnamon roll place when you've gotten a few more busted bots under your belt, and you can show me what you learned." Max watched the departing sway of a plump backside that was giving far more to her drab khakis than they deserved.
"S-sure!" Max called, trying to figure out her motivations. She seemed to have a very specific idea in mind of what he should be doing - but why not just tell him? What was he supposed to do with directions of 'more get-back' and 'more horny'?
Anne's well-framed rump brought to mind another shop girl with an ass so perfect, she had to be a bot. Ideas swirled around his head as he made his way to the mattress store, thinking he just might know the sort of thing Anne had in mind.
Part 6
Max stepped into the bed-filled showroom of "Moonlight Mattresses", finding its clerk - its robot clerk - bent over a mattress. She was tucking the bedsheets in almost as tightly as her khakis were fitted around her magnificently round ass. Max didn't think it was a coincidence that she was positioned perfectly for a customer to have this view right when they walked in, even though she feigned surprise when glancing over her shoulder. "Hello there!" she exclaimed with a buzzing voice. She straightened stiffly, spinning abruptly on her heel to face him, her ever-present professional cheer seemed even more forced than usual, everything about her somehow 'tighter' - her black hair wound in a neat bun, her close-fitting pants, her tucked polo, her gleaming white smile. "What brings you in here to-today?"
"Oh, I just wanted a look at that nice ass of yours." Max's attempt at nonchalance was scuttled by his voice cracking on the last syllable. But given her reaction, he wondered if that remark alone would be enough for her to blow her top - her eyes flared open, her mouth fell slack, a series of tics played out across her face. She managed to restore some semblance of normalcy, though a trail of smoke still drifted from her ear. "I... my.... if-if-if it's cushioning you're interested in, th-then look no further than our Sleepwell premium line of latex pillows, molded for a p-perfect night's rest!"
She walked stiffly to a nearby bed, picking up a pillow and turning a precise 180 degrees to face him, holding it awkwardly in her arms. "C-come f-feel how s-soft th-this is!"
"Uh… How about I feel your ass instead?" Max's heart was thudding as he sought to embrace Anne's edict of bot-busting - would she have given him points for directness or would she have been disappointed in his lack of wordplay?
The clerk froze with a look of stunned confusion, a sudden jet of sparks firing from her temple. In the ensuing silence Max heard a quiet beeping sound emanating from inside her. She abruptly snapped to with a look of unbridled confidence, saying, "I g-g-guarantee that if you com-com-compare the two, you will p-prefer the relaxing give y-yet f-firrrrrrrm resilience of our Sleepwell line!" She wheeled in place and prostrated herself across the bed, elevating her ass slightly in the air, then set the pillow next to her. "T-try them both and y-you'll see the difference between m-my ass and our t-top selling p-pillow!"
Not wanting to squander the opportunity, Max felt both the pillow and her rear, his fingers sinking into the cushioning of both, making a show of squeezing and massage each while the beeping grew louder. "It's no contest, your ass is clearly softer...~" he announced, giving her butt a rippling spank, her beeping accelerating faster in response.
"Wh-while it m-may feel s-softer, th-that c-can mmmake for a p-poor night's rest. It also lllacks the p-patended ergonomic ahhhh!" Her sales pitch ended in a gasp as Max brought his hand down the back of her pants, feeling her warm, artificial flesh and the sheer fabric of her equally soft cotton panties.
"Each... p-pillow ahhh! with a one-one-hundred-d percent satisssss-faction guarantee!" she moaned, her hips gyrating under his massage, her beeping warning him of her rapid destabilization.
"There's no need to sell yourself short!" Max said, giving her a squeeze. "Your butt has a plumpness the pillow just can't match!
She groaned in desperation, her hips quivering as the beeping intensified. "B-but... the-the Sssleepwelll.. it... you... g-guarantee..." she stammered, most of her distress seemingly coming from the fact Max was paying more attention to her ass than the pillow she was trying to sell him. "T-try s-sleeping on b-b-both!" she exclaimed, flopping across the bed, jerking her tight-fitting slacks over her hips to expose her beautiful backside, a delicate thong strung between her cheeks.
Max gave the bot a brief respite, resting on the pillow. "What do you know, this is pretty nice!"
"N-num-number one in cust-customer sastisfactionnnn!" she chirped from her prone position, the beeping slowing ever-so-slightly.
Max quickly rolled over, resting his cheek on hers, his hand reaching up to give her free buttock a tender squeeze. "But this!" The beeping resumed, rocketing past its previous tempo. "It's just so smooth and warm!" He pressed his lips into her rump, giving it a deep kiss as he delivered another spank. "So kissable, so spankable!"
The beeping flatlined into a wail, electricity surging across her prostrate form as she still struggled to find the perfect sales pitch before her systems come to an explosive finish. "F-free p-pillow w-w-with purchase offfff my ass my ass my-my-my-my p-p-perfect c-customer approved-!"
Max felt her ass growing uncomfortably hot and quickly rolled off of her, just moments before her diatribe was cut short by her exploding. The air filled with a spray of machinery and a blizzard of fibers and latex foam, leaving almost nothing of her synthetic ass or the pillow to compare.
Max dusted the debris from his hair, already considering his next visit. Surely the All Natural store wouldn't have replaced their human staff with a… hippie robot? But that blonde girl who just started there had an unnaturally perfect figure that made him question the integrity a place that claimed to sell '100% all-natural solutions'.
He strolled back to the mall promenade, casting a final parting glance at the scorched mattress that represented the combination of Anne's virus and Max's interpretation of 'more horny'. He looked forward to telling her about it, and especially to seeing her expression when he told the 'headspace' he was currently found himself in.
Part 7
On his way to the 'All Natural' store, the sounds of the arcade caught Max's attention, and he was struck once more by the realization that the cute goth girl hustler was actually a robotic 'employee'. He had admired how she flexed so easily to match the skill of a few especially arrogant challengers, always managing to eek out a victory to win 2 out of 3, then 3 out of 5, then 4 out of 7… "Too bad she was a robot the whole time," Max muttered, then realized what he was saying and turned on his heel.
The interior of the arcade was incidentally lit by flashing multicolored lights from UFO Catchers, pinball machines, and the glow of dozens of arcade screens. An ostentatious 'Fighters Heaven' machine sat at the center, the room's only occupant casually punishing her CPU opponent with one chain after another. Max was drawn to the sway and jerk of her hips as she input combo sequences, her cute butt well-presented by her tight-fitting peg pants. Despite the din of the arcade, she seemed to notice Max's slow approach. She turned her pale and freckled face to him, wearing a sly smile on her dark lips, her makeup-ringed eyes sparkling with the same overtuned energy of every other bot in the place. "So..." she asked, her voice cracking with a flirty lilt, "you wanna play?
"I'd love to," Max said, returning her grin, nodding toward the booming 'Dance Insurgency' game.
"You're on!" She abandoned the fighting game, walking over to the dance machine and hopping enthusiastically on to the second player's glowing pad. Max took his position beside her, the cabinet prompting for payment. She gave him a sidelong glance, then busied herself pulling her dark hair back into a scrunchy. This had the added benefit of pushing forward her pert chest, her small but noticeable piercings showing through the stretching fabric of her tank top. Max took the hint and managed to find the arcade card in the depths of his wallet, paying for both their games.
"Thanks!" she said as the charge for 2 players chimed over the cabinet speakers. "I'll get the next one..." she paused, adding with a wink, "...if you can beat me~" The song select screen spun into focus, the arcade-bot's hand hovering over the navigation buttons. "Do you want to warm up first? Or should we dive right in?"
"How about a warm-up?" Max suggested. "You can show me how it's done…"
"You seemed so confident a second ago," she said with a smirk.
Max gave her a coy smile. "Maybe I've got a secret weapon..."
She twitched slightly, seeming uncertain in how to respond. "But if it's training you need, you've found the right g-girl." After her brief stutter, she flitted through the mode select and picked a training stage. The music started to pulse and she shrugged off her jacket, draping it over the bar behind her. "It's not just about finding the beat," she said, hips swaying as a driving bassline kicked in. "You need to look ahead, recognize the patterns..."
As she went through the simple routine, Max brushed his hand across the tight denim on her backside - she immediately faltered, missing a few easy steps as the game registered her broken combo.
"Wh-what?" she stammered, blinking in disbelief, steam wisping from her mouth. "H-how did I-?"
"I think I got it," Max interrupted. "Let's try something a little harder - assuming you're up for it?"
"I... I... I th-think you're ready for s-something hard-d-derrr..." she said, her eyes unfocused as she adjusted the difficulty, the bass intensifying in response while the screen counted down to the next round. "Let's s-see if you c-can keep up with th-this!"
Max lowered his own difficulty to beginner while she cranked hers to expert. "You're never gonna b-beat my score on easy mode," she chuckled, slapping the ready button for both of them. As soon as the song began, her feet were flying across the pad, making Max's simple, plodding routine look inane by comparison. But despite her efforts, she was regularly missing steps, her screen registering 'Miss!', 'Oof!', and '2 much 4 U?' When he was casually holding a long-press on his pad, he reached out and gave her ass a sharp smack, the bot freezing while a cavalcade of missed steps flashed across her screen until it ended her routine with a graffiti-styled note of, 'U Dancin' Bad! You lose!'
"I d-don't understand!" she growled as the game rated her performance as an 'F', compared to Max's marginally respectable 'B-'. "That should-should-should have beennnn- suddenly her body convulsed, sparks shooting from her chest, a beeping within her syncopating with the attract song as it prompted them for more payment.
"I th-think the g-game is busted," she insisted.
"Or you could be…" Max muttered.
"Wh-what?" she stammered, more sparks emanating from her temple.
"Actually, I think those pants of yours might be a little too tight…?"
She blinked repeatedly before suddenly seizing on the suggestion. "Y-yes, i—i-it's these p-pants!" She unbuttoned and unzipped the tight-fitting jeans, wriggling them over her hips, servos whirring with every small movement. At the same time, Max scanned his arcade card again and picked the easiest song in the rotation, immediately hiting ready for both of them.
The arcade-bot snapped upright as the song began, her pants still around her ankles. The routine started with a foot on both the left and right arrows, and her attempt to comply sending her tumbling into Max. He caught her, her lithe body steaming, beeping, and putting off a strange electric hum.
"Here, let me help you!" Max pulled off her shoes and pulled her pants from her ankles, propping her back up with a tender squeeze of her cute butt. She was barely able to remain upright, smoke rushing from her as sparks rained down on the dance pad. Her beeping was a near-constant tone, and Max knew it wouldn't be long now.
"A-another g-g-game!" she demanded, pointing at the card reader.
"Sure!" Max started, theatrically pulling out his card before pausing. "Although… isn't this one on you? I mean, you did just lose…"
"L-lose!?" she gasped.
"Twice."
"L-l-losssszzzzze!?" She quivered in a pique of rage, bending down for her pants to retrieve her wallet, presenting Max with the opportunity to give her ass its biggest smack yet. The sharp report from his hand meeting the soft, smooth artificial skin of her round cheek elevated the beeping alarm to a shrieking pitch. She moaned desperately, her systems on the verge of destruction. She fumbled the arcade card in her trembling hands while Max backed away, the billowing smoke and electrical discharges around her intensifying. She pressed the card against the reader, registering the payment with a chime that caused her to flinch back, a stunned expression on her face. "E-rror, v-v-iolation in pri-pri-primary functionnnn~!" she squeaked, her internal alarm a piercing squeal of warning before the arcade bot exploded on the dance pad into pieces of sparking detritus. There was nothing left of either her or the front of the arcade cabinet that didn't feature sparking wires and exposed circuitry.
Max glanced around, hoping that Anne had witnessed this latest effort of his - but he only saw a few other twitchy mall bots manically tending to their shops. Of course, if she really had been watching and he had known, he would have been far too self-conscious to do what he just did… Or maybe he was finally ready to lose his inhibitions, really do something funny and clever and sexy with the bots in front of her, and then…? "Just… one more by yourself," he vowed, setting off again.
Part 8
Stepping through the mall, Max found evidence of Anne having her own fun: a headless lingerie sales clerk wearing a variety of mismatched items, a pile of colorfully dressed parts that had once been the toy shop bot.
Max arrived in front of a store filled with crystals, incense, and stone jewelry, its gorgeous proprietor seated in the back. She wore her dirty blonde hair loose around her shoulders, dressed in nothing more than cut-offs and a sleeveless blouse that show off her big hips, thick thighs, and large chest, her exposed waist with its navel piercing shockingly slender amidst all her curves. She sat with her bare legs crossed as she casually read a book entitled, 'Cosmic Tantric Pleasure'."
Max strolled in, a bit surprised the bot didn't immediately respond to his arrival. She even seemed relatively stable compared to the others, swaying slightly to the softly playing sitar music. A moment later, she looked up from her book, a lazy smile on her face - but from the energy in her eyes, Max knew she was under the same effects as all the other bots. "S-sorry I didn't see you there!" she said with an absent-minded charm. "So, like... what can I help you with?" Her weighty breasts jostled as she suddenly sat upright, as if she is trying to compensate for a too-casual first impression.
"Just looking at a few of the crystals here..." Max said, poking at one of the displays.
She slid off her stool and came bouncing over to him. "Oh, like the pyrite can help deflect negative energy? And the hematite is for stress of course... and the rose quartz here," she picked up a large pinkish crystal, handing it to Max, "this is for, like... love? If that's... something you need help with?" She gave him a giddy smile, her thick thighs squeezing together. As she waited for an answer, he heard a faint pop! from inside her, a thin trickle of smoke rising from her brilliantly white teeth.
"Yeah, I suppose I've been in need of some help with love...", Max replied, giving her a pointed look. "There's this girl who works at the mall, long, dirty blonde hair, on the bustier side... You think this'll help?"
"Oh..." she said, sounding a little disappointed. "I mean, that's what these crystals do! So, like, whoever the lucky gal is, try holding it when you talk to her and, you can feel it sending vibrations of love!" She paused, giving him a sly look. "Wait a minute... when you... are you... am I... what's going on here?" He heard a slight buzzing sound coming from her head.
"Is something wrong?" Max asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Umm... are you, like... t-talking about m-me?" she asked, her head ticking to the side.
Max gave a noncommittal shrug. "What do you think?"
"Oh, ummm... like, I'm b-busty, right?" she asked, hesitantly squeezing her chest. "And d-dirty blond, right?" She tugged on her hair, "And it's p-pretty long... th-that's three out of three! So, like... th-that's me!" She suddenly looked uncertain. "R-right?"
Max gave her a slight nod and she responded with a tiny squeak, seemingly delighted at the affirmation. "So how do I know if the crystal is working?" He asked, reaching out to put his hands around her waist.
"Oh, it's d-definitely w-w-working its magic!" she said between panting breaths. There was a faint fizzling sound that culminated in another tiny explosion, a trail of smoke drifting from her heaving chest.
Max swallowed hard as the bot's chest pressed against him, and he found himself wondering just how much he could get away with before she inevitably exploded. There's always that warning sound so I'll know when she's about to go up, he told himself, lifting up her top. Anne wouldn't have sent me off on my own if this isn't what she had intended, right? And she wouldn't put me in any real danger, right?
He ended up having to pull her blouse open to get it over her bare breasts, the sales-bot emitting a slight giggle. Max took hold of each, his hands sinking into the soft artificial flesh, her nipples quickly hardening between his fingers. "W-woah, your h-hands! I-I've never f-felt such in-t-tense energyyyy before!"
Max squeezed her denim cut-offs around her hips, down her plump thighs, unsurprised to see she wasn't wearing underwear. She bit her lip as Max tossed her cut-offs aside, saying under her breath, "I c-can already tell from your aura this is g-going to be, like, a powerful experience." He didn't quite no what to expect from the programming of a retail-bot in this scenario, but it wasn't her aggressively putting a hand down his pants and gripping his straining member, exclaiming, "Oh, w-wow! Y-you feel like you're about to explode!" Her electronics chittered noisily as she pulled his cock free, making strong eye contact as she guided him into her.
"You have n-no idea," Max gasped, feeling the sales-droid's sex enveloping him. Her beeping set off as soon as he entered her, accelerating swiftly as Max squeezed her juicy backside, pumping his hips against hers where they stood, driving her against the wall of the shop. She spread her arms behind her, arching her back and proclaiming, "I c-can already feel your en-energy flowing inside of me!" Her large breasts quivered as each thrust slammed her into the wall, rattling the crystals, the smell of incense and essential oils giving way to burning electronics.
Max realized he was about to climax only a second before he came, his head swimming as he released inside the gasping bot. "Oh f-f-fuck!" she squeaked, her alarm growing louder and indistinct as she stared at the lights growing brighter in her body. "I can s-see the energy b-building inside of me!" Smoke flowed freely from all over her form while she fondled her own breasts, staring in amazement at the spreading glow of her own overloading components.
Max held on for far too long, sinking his hands into her curves until her suddenly realized the imminent danger he was in. He released her, slipping free and stumbling back from the overloading bot. "S-so you like the c-crystal, right?" she stammered. "It's only one hundred and s-seventy five d-dollars p-plus <ahhhhh> tax!"
Despite everything else happening in front of him, Max balked. "A hundred and seventy five bucks for a fake magic rock?"
Her face flashed with annoyance. "F-fake?" Sparks jetted from her body, the beeping alarm a single note. "N-nothing in th-this s-sstore is fffaaaa-" the energy inside her flared into a bright pink before she exploded into hunks of plastic and circuitry.
Once the smoke had cleared and Max had his breath back, he glanced around to see if Anne was there to bear witness to any of what just occurred... but she was still nowhere to be seen. She had told him where to find her, of course… convinced that if this didn't satisfy her condition of 'more horny' then nothing would, he finally set off in the direction of the food court.