Goblin Barmaid

(Co-written with Pylon)

Peyton found himself alone on a medieval-themed street littered with power tools and construction materials, realizing he was very much in an employees-only, under-construction, he-should-have-been-paying-more-attention-to-where-he-was-going section of the theme park. The sensible thing would be to walk back the way he came, readying an apology for missing whatever warning signage he had wandered passed to get here.

But instead, he approached the most finished building, a timber-and-stucco inn whose creaking wooden sign depicted a treasure chest brimming with gold and jewels under the words, "The Splendid Chest". It couldn't hurt to get a sneak-peak at the coming attraction, could it? Reaching for the door he muttered under his breath, "Just one quick look - and then I'm gone!"

He found the interior to be a classical medieval tavern mixed with a theme park cafeteria, all lit by electric candles, torches, and a crackling hearth at the center. A little disappointed there wasn’t more to see, he was about to leave when a door behind the bar opened, and out stepped - a goblin? He wasn't sure what else to call her. She was short with a tousle of loosely-braided honey-brown hair atop her head and long pointy ears sticking out from either side. Despite her gleaming yellow eyes and pointy teeth, she was quite cute, a few freckles spotting her smiling apple cheeks - not to mention her absolutely enormous, round breasts. These freckled green melons bounced vigorously, almost spilling out of her blouse and apron as she rounded the bar, calling out with an excited, "Welcome to The Splendid Chest! I'm Gilly, your hostess! What can I get ya?"

Peyton stared, positive this wasn’t an elaborate costume - not with those proportions. He had heard rumors of new animatronics that were light years beyond the park's existing attractions... "Oh uhm, I was just checking out the establishment." His mind raced, wondering what he could get away with. Was this a test-run? Was she remote-controlled? Was she fully autonomous? And if so, was she programmed to flirt? Smiling, he added, "I didn't expect a goblin barmaid… at least not such a cute one!"

She grinned, her ears pricking up slightly as she clasped her hands in front of her skirt, the gesture pinching her cleavage between her arms in a way that made Petyon's heart skip a beat. "Awww - you're sweet!" She sprang over to him, taking him by the hand to lead him to a table. "How about a seat right here? If you're thirsty, I could get you a mug of ale? Or maybe you'd prefer something sweeter…?"

Watching her bouncy figure, Peyton's thoughts of being caught trespassing were no longer top of mind. Far more present was him wondering whether she was a robot, or if there a human on the other end, controlling this mechanical shortstack. "Sure, I could go for a mug of ale," he said, quickly adding, "You know, I'm surprised to see a robot as advanced as you."

"Sure, one m-mug of-" she froze up, her left eye twitching slightly. "H-huh? Wh-what's that you said?" She gave a forced laugh, her chest bouncing. "I'm not a robot, silly! I'm a r-real goblin!" She blinked, staring at him with a strange grin before suddenly repeating. "I'm j-just a c-cute goblin!"

Peyton chuckled, convinced there was no one on the other end. "Of course you are…" he said with a wink, wondering just how far he could take this.

She only nodded at the affirmation and spun around. "One ale, c-coming up!" There was a faint flicker of electricity across one of her pointy ears as she ran off, though his eyes were instead drawn to the shapely curve of the bottom of her cheeks as her skirts flared up in her sudden sprint to the bar. Seconds later she emerges with a foamy mug of ale in her hand, bouncing back toward him with her ever-present grin. "One ale! Anything else I can get you, sweetie?"

Peyton grabbed the mug and took a sip, noting the 'ale' tasted a lot like the cheap canned stuff - but that was now entirely beside the point. "Oh just a few questions if you don't mind entertaining me for a bit," he said. She looked up at him, nodding enthusiastically. "So… Gilly, how do you know you're not a robot? You sound pretty confident, but… how do you know?"

Gilly twitched, her eyes blinking as she stared straight ahead. "Oh, umm... w-w-well, j-just look at me!" She said, pointing up at her face. "I've got th-these c-cute, pointy ears! A r-robot wouldn't have these, would it?”

"Hmm… I suppose not. Another good test I know is that you can tell a robot by how it feels." He reached his hand toward her. "Do you mind if I feel you up just to be sure?"

"Oh yeah, go right ahead!" she says, leaning toward him. "You'll see, I'm as goblin as can be!"

"I'll be the judge of that," he replied, drawing his hand across her soft cheek as it flushed slightly at his touch. He was surprised at the subtlety of the response, the warmth and softness of the material, and noticed her cheeks grew even rosier when he finished with a pinch before moving up to her ears.

"S-see?" she said as he ran his fingers along her ear’s length, it twitching slightly under his caress, her giving a slight giggle. "Th-they're sensitive, though…" As his fingers left her ear's pointed tip, he dropped his hand to the top of her abundant breasts, watching her closely as he squeezed her ripe cleavage..

She froze, a panel springing open on top of her breasts, lights flashing within. "S-see?" she stammered, looking uncertain. "T-totally r-real!" Her head trembled as he plunged his hand between her green tits, relishing in their soft, plush feel, teasing them until he saw her nipples stiffening through the fabric of her apron. "N-n-nnnot a r-ro-robot-bot!" she stammered, her eyes looking astray as electricity crackled over her freckled face.

Peyton withdrew his hand, but knew this experiment was far from over. "You certainly feel very real, but I'm still not convinced. This park would never make an anatomically correct robot… so to be sure, I think you should take off that cute little barmaid outfit." He actually didn't expect to see her equipped with genitalia, but her engineers had seen fit to give her nipples that reacted when fondled…

Her ears twitched and sparked, the lights in her chest blinking faster. He wondered what conflicts his questioning was raising, and whether her processors were even capable of responding to such a request. Finally, she shook her head, breaking from her stunned loop. "Oh, s-sure! Y-you'll s-see that I'm alllll g-g-goblin!" She shrugged off her apron and blouse, her tits springing from their restraint as she let her top fall to her waist. Her nipples were still firm from his fondling, sticking out from darker green areolas. With a bit of straining and a wiggle of her hips, she forced her blouse, apron, and skirt down to her ankles, revealing big hips and thick thighs clenched just below her fully modeled smooth green sex. "S-see?" she said, gesturing across her short, curvy body. "A-all g-goblin!"

Peyton nodded, taking a moment to admire the attention to detail in her construction. Framing this all as an attempt for her to prove her 'realness' seemed to be overriding whatever family-friendly safeguards were in place, so he decided to continue on the same tack. "You definitely look real, but what do you know about sex?"

The robotic goblin barmaid blinked, her face caught in a distracted, lopsided grin.

Peyton continued. "As we all know, robots can't have sex, so this is an easy way to prove you're not a robot," underscoring his intent by unbuttoning his pants.

The lights in her chest flickered as she processed his statement, her ears twitching, her bright yellow eyes staring vacantly ahead. "Oh, uhhh - of c-c-course!" she says, stepping out the uniform pooled at her feet and stumbling toward him, her head buzzing with energy. "After alllll, I'm n-not a ro-robot!"

"That's the spirit," he replied, pulling his trousers down and patting his lap. "Now get up here and have a seat - I'm sure you know what to do next because you're definitely not some fake theme-park fembot, right?" Reaching out, he gave her bare breast a squeeze.

Gilly gasped, the light within her chest turning red. She pulled herself on to the bench and then on to his lap, taking a moment to align herself with his fully engorged cock. "N-not a f-f-fake fembot-bot!" she insisted, lowering herself until she took in just the tip of him, her yellow eyes flaring wide, her sharp-toothed little mouth falling open. "R-real g-g-goblin!" she squeaked, sparks bursting from her long ears.

"So prove it!"

"Uh-huh!" As he placed his hands upon her broad hips, she slowly brought her body down on to him with a high-pitched squeal, his every inch seeming to produce more sparks from her now-smoking ears. Her plump cheeks finally squished against his hips as she let out a shuddering groan, her eyes rolling back. Her small body shivered in his grip while he squeezed her ripe breasts in his palms, teasing her nipples until a sudden spurt of white fluid escaped their stiff tips. She struggled to pull herself up along his member, accelerating slowly while the electricity crackling across her panting face grew. He gripped her round backside and slid her down his length swiftly, her yellow eyes briefly flaring red with exclamation points for pupils, warning of some internal error. "S-see, n-nnot a robot!" she grunted, her curvy body bouncing faster now as smoke and sparks escaped through her chest-panel. "Am a g-g-goblin! lin! linnnnn!"

"Unf… now prove it by going as fast as you can!" he said, still encouraging her with his own thrusts before leaning down to wrap his lips around one of her spurting nipples, suckling sharply on her green tit. She let out a cry, her breast quivering, some machinery chuffing as it pumped a sweet milky cream into his mouth. "S-something t-to go with your a-ale?!" she squeaked, her other breast swelling slightly, trembling as liquid was flung from its nipple with every bounce. Her plastic pussy hugged his shaft as she bounced up and down, sparks flowing from her flopping ears every time he drove deep into the goblin-bot's midsection. A final slap of her cheeks sent him over the edge and he unloaded a torrent inside her, the combination of her own seed flooding her sex and his contribution building a pressure inside her that triggered audible alarms throughout her little body. "E-error! P-p-pressure b-building!" she groaned, her pussy forming too tight a seal around him as her insides flooded with coolant, lubricant, a backflow of milk from her untapped breast and his own eruption.

At the sound of the alarms and concern this animatronic goblin was about to explode in his lap, Peyton came to his senses and pulled her off his member. The goblin barmaid popped free, her body quivering in his hands as her systems slowly recovered from the immediate threat. He sat her down on the floor in a steamy puddle, her expression dazed as she swayed back and forth, her eyes struggling to focus as a few final spurts escaped her swollen breasts. "D-definitely not a ro-robot," she sighed, electricity crackling around her sagging ears.

"Haaah… Wow… Yeah I guess you passed all the… haaah… tests." he replied, still catching his breath, impressed with everything this animatronic had to offer. He reached over to take a swig of ale, then glanced down at the still-recovering bot. "Hey - how about a celebratory drink since you proved you're not a robot?"

Gilly took the mug, it seeming huge in her little hands, staring at the amber liquid. Something seems to be warning her that this would not be good for her systems, her face looking uncertain, her ears twitching amid the sparks. But when she caught Peyton's wink, she immediately grinned and looked back at foamy liquid with enthusiasm. "D-d-down the h-hatch!" she cheered, tilting it back and dumping its contents into her mouth, liquid spilling down her chin and splashing across her tits, the liquid spattering into her open panel. She set the mug on the table with a satisfied, "Ahhhh!", as sparks once again began firing from her chest. Electricity arced across her face, snapping around her ears, smoke beginning to seep out from them, from her grinning mouth, and from her exposed panel. "S-see! J-j-just a g-g-goblin bar-bar-barmaid!" she asserted, her head shuddering intensely while her eyes flashed again in warning, alarms ringing from her curvy body. "Wh-why are y-you sc-scooting away?" she asked, something inside her sizzling. "J-just a gob-gob-goblin bar-barmaid! What c-can I get ya? N-nnnnot a ro-robot!"

Smoke gushed from her, the ale dripping through her damaged systems, triggering multiple internal electrical fires. She rose shakily to her feet and began stumbling towards the kitchen, her curves jiggling amidst a shroud of smoke and electricity, calling out, "I think-think-think I m-m-might n-need a b-b-break. A b-break! B-reak-break repair error c-cannot sh-shut down crit-critical failure error g-g-goblin barmaid unit criticalllll-"

A moment later the cute little bot's head blew apart, her nude body teetering to the left and right before it fell to the ground with a quiet thud, a final blast from her sparking neck sending one last jiggle through her curves.

Surveying the ruined bot with growing clarity, Peyton furrowed his brow at the damage done, realizing he was now in for far more than simple trespassing. He quickly pulled up his trousers while simultaneously banging out a text to his friends that he had to leave the park early, when he heard the door to the kitchen open again. Stepping up to the bar was a gorgeous elven maiden, her shimmering silver hair in elaborate braids, her succulent obsidian cleavage displayed in the frills of a lacy, floral bodice. "Oh - I did not realize we had a customer!" she said in an apologetic tone. "Would you like to see what we have on offer?"

Any concerns about being caught again faded from his mind. He pocketed his phone and approached the bar, giving the elven barmaid a wink.

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+ Manip courtesy of Pylon

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