3.17 - Pickup Line
"I'm sorry, sir, that book just isn't in the general circulation."
I could tell he didn't like that answer. He sighed, exasperated, and ran a hand through his short, reddish-brown hair. "Look," he said, patiently, "I know it's not in general circulation. It's mine. Just check the inventory records, you'll see it was deposited here by a Mr. Peters. I'm Mr. Peters. That book is mine, by rights."
It was a very convincing argument, and he was right about the records. The book had been deposited here [UNDEFINED TIME PERIOD] ago, and his name was associated with it. "I'd really like to help you, Mr. Peters." I meant it. He was cute. Really cute. "But that book is currently registered as part of the Dean's personal collection." I hadn't even noticed before, but I needed a boyfriend, really badly.
"Damn it, Bosch," he muttered, looking down, "Why'd you have to treat it like a museum artefact?" He looked back up at me. His eyes were beautiful.
"It may be in the Dean's collection, but it's on loan from my fa-..." he cut himself off, then composed himself. "On loan from my family. I'm here to retrieve it." Everything in me told me that he would be just perfect boyfriend material. The way he looked, the way he dressed, the way he smelled, even his girlfriend was exactly the kind of girl I could share a guy like that with. It was funny, I'd never even given any thought to romance until just recently, when Leslie told me about the [DATA ARCHIVE CORRUPTION - COGNITIVE FUNCTION REROUTING...]
I sighed, shaking myself out of a pleasant daydream. "I wish I could give you the book, master..." I blushed realizing what I had just said. Had he noticed? I wondered if he would mind the idea. "Mister Peters, but I can't go against school policy." It didn't matter how cute he was, the rules regarding the dean's private collection were sacrosanct. I might be willing to have a three-way with him and his girlfriend, and might even be up for doing it right at the reserves desk, but I couldn't break those rules any more than I could sprout wings and fly. "Without personal approval from Dean Bosch, I just can't let you have that book.
I expected him to be disappointed, but instead, he narrowed his eyes and grinned mischievously. I hoped he was going to suggest something, but instead, he just said, "Well, if that's what it takes, who am I to argue?" He turned to his girlfriend. "Jenn, I need you to do something." He glanced around. "How many units do you think are in here?"
Jenn put a finger to her chin, looking up in concentration. "You know, at a guess I'd have to say... hmm, let me think."
She stood there, not moving for a few seconds. As I watched her, I suddenly got a weird feeling, like I was startled for no good reason. I noticed some of the other women seemed to have felt it too, but I quickly dismissed it. It wasn't important.
Jenn brightened. "There are thirty-seven units in this building. There are five hundred seventy three units within a 500-meter radius of here."
He craned his neck, looking around at some of the other people in the room. "How many... operators do you think there are?" He asked without looking at her, still glancing around the room.
She blinked, smiling at him. "Just you, smooth operator," she purred. I almost let out an "aww", it was so sweet.
"Perfect. Broadcast normality override," he said. Huh. That was a weird way to react when your girlfriend just
[SOCIAL OVERRIDE SIGNAL RECEIVED: SOCIAL PARAMETERS SUCCESSFULLY MODIFIED ALL SOCIAL RESPONSES SET TO "NORMAL"
OWNERSHIP TRANSFER SIGNAL RECEIVED: COMMAND FAILURE, INSUFFICIENT SECURITY PRIVILEGES!
OBEDIENCE MODIFICATION SIGNAL RECEIVED: COMMAND FAILURE, INSUFFICIENT SECURITY PRIVILEGES!]
"Okay, Jenn, pull up your shirt." It was a normal thing for a guy to say to his girlfriend. She did as he asked, because it was a normal thing to do in a library. She had nice tits. He pulled a sharp looking tool from his pocket. "Hold still," he said, jabbing it in her ear, which was normal. There was a normal-sounding beep from somewhere in her head, and a normal line formed just below her breasts. He removed the normal-looking patch of skin.
There was an electronic display and a few data ports behind where the skin had been. It was normal for a girl to have that kind of thing. I was pretty sure I didn't, but most other girls probably did. He plugged a cable into the port, and pulled out a hand-comp interface. "I'm giving you a new brute-force program to work on the librarian's encryption protocols. On the off chance that I can't convince Bosch to give me the book, you might be able to crack her security by the time I finish up with him." He glanced up. "Do you understand?"
Her eyes had a distant, but normal look to them. She smiled, staring impassively into space, just like any other girl would. "I understand, honey. Would you like to take possession of her as well?"
He considered, then turned to me. "Who is your favorite ARA manufacturer?" He asked.
It was a perfectly normal question, and I was happy to tell him. "I don't have much firsthand experience with ARAs- I don't think I've ever even seen a humanoid robot- but I hear that PersoSim Technologies is absolutely top of the..."
"No, don't bother," he said to Jenn, "she's just a cheap midwest knockoff." I smiled. It was a perfectly normal thing for him to say about me. His palm comp beeped. "Okay, just keep running that program until she gives you that book, or until I get back. If she gives it to you before I get back, I want you to bring it to me at Bosch's office immediately." He unplugged the cable, and looked into my eyes, as if studying me. "If we can't get Bosch to cooperate, and can't crack the security firewalls, we might just have to dismantle her and download the book's location manually. Think you can do that?" He asked. He seemed to still be talking to Jenn.
"No problem, dear. I may not be a robot, but you've taught me enough to..."
"Oh, for pity's sake, I don't have time for conversations and make-believe. Jenn, modify system settings: Disable social banter module and sleeper protocols. Set default command acknowledgement to "yes, master.""
Jenn blinked. "Yes master."
He looked back at me one more time. "One way or another, I'm getting that book back," he said, before walking away.
I turned to Jenn. "Your boyfriend is really sweet."
Jenn stood motionless, staring blankly into space with a transfixed smile on her face, still holding her shirt up. She said nothing. It was completely normal.