Universal Remote
Part 1
“No, get away from me”, Melanie yelled at Steve, “I don’t want anything to do with you.” And thus began a normal day at college. “I don’t know why you would think I would even associate with a loser like you”, with this last remark Melanie walked off down the hall swaying her hips as if to say see what you’ll never get.
As if you hadn’t already guessed, Steve wasn’t real good with the ladies. Correction, Steve wasn’t real good with anyone. See Steve was sort of a loner. That’s not to say that Steve didn’t have any friends, just that he had a hard time communicating with others. Steve had always been smarter than the kids he went to school with. This, paired with his parents’ incessant need to safeguard their only son from the apparent evil in this world, meant Steve didn’t identify with many people. He wasn’t allowed to go to parties or to the movies, his parents also monitored what he watched on TV and the toys he had growing up. The only things Steve was allowed to do were those things deemed educational by his parents.
The only things that Steve had to associate with were his computer, with most sites blocked, and his ever growing collection of electronics. Steve found that if he occupied his time with working with or on electronics it helped to pass the time and as the years went by he really started to enjoy it.
So by the time Steve got accepted to college and finally moved out of his parents house he was more than ready to experience the real world. He could tear down and rebuild a computer in no time flat and make most small appliances out of spare parts just lying around, but none of this translated into any sort of social standing with those around him.
Steve ended up living in the dorms with two jocks based on the fact that he had registered for housing late. This was Steve’s housing predicament for 3 whole semesters. Steve didn’t mind this too much because he was in class all day and his dorm mates spent most nights out at some party only to come home after he was asleep. But when they didn’t go out, they made his life a living hell.
He was finally able to save up enough money to rent an apartment off campus for himself. Taking the few possessions that he had brought from home and moving them into the apartment wasn’t that hard. A computer, a small TV, his cell phone, a single bed, a nightstand, and a light and recliner he had found at a yard sale. What more could you need?
After getting everything set up just the way he wanted Steve noticed that it was already 11:00. He had spent all day working on the apartment that he didn’t realize it was that late. Even though he was tired, his mind was still going and so he sat down in his recliner to watch some TV. It may have been a Thursday night, but he didn’t have a class tomorrow. Late night talk show, late night talk show, local news, cooking with some chef he never heard of. Not much on TV, and then something caught his attention, an advertisement for a Universal Remote. This remote was different from those in the past as it worked off of a wireless connection. You have to understand that all electronics are now hooked up to a network and have wireless connectivity. All you have to do is scan for the device you want, tap into its network and bingo you can control it. Well Steve decided he just had to have one of these. The remote was $55, but that was a small price to pay for such a sophisticated electronic device. He just told himself that he would have to find a way to make up the money before next months rent. So Steve ordered it and had it shipped next day air. A little more channel surfing and Steve decided that there was nothing worth while on TV and figured he would go to bed anyway.
Steve knew that since he had ordered the remote late on Thursday, he wouldn’t actually get the remote until Saturday. So instead of just lying around the apartment, he decided to get to work making up that money he just spent. That meant that Steve would get to work on fixing other peoples computers, and with everyone needing their computers for everything, they all paid fairly well. One or two computers fixed and that should cover the cost of the remote he figured. Steve took pride in fixing computers, it was about the only thing he had over the majority population on campus. He knew how to fix their computers, and even the jocks had to come to him in instances like this.
So after a busy day of fixing computers, Steve was ready for bed. Doing wipes and reloads, virus scans, replacing motherboards and basic overhauls will really take it out of you. But, when all was said and done, Steve figured that the 5 computers he had fixed would net him about $250. Not bad for just a days work.
Steve slept in late on Saturday knowing that he didn’t have anything to do. He got up at about 10:00 and got some breakfast which was no more than just a bowl of cereal: can’t get much more than that when most of his money went towards rent. After finishing breakfast and calling all the people whose computers he had fixed, he went down to check his mailbox. The mailboxes were down in the lobby, and Steve was surprised at who he saw in the lobby. It was Melanie, 5’7”, red hair, beautiful eyes and she was even a cheerleader. With breasts that had to be at least a C and a great tan, she had a body to die for. “Oh geez, don’t tell me you live here too” Melanie asked Steve. “Yeah, I’m in 2G. I haven’t been here that long though”. ”Well that’s already too long for me. Whatever you do, just don’t come near 3C” Melanie retorted. Then Melanie was gone, leaving Steve alone in the lobby. He opened up his mailbox and pulled out a box. The box was only about six inches long and about 3 inches wide, kind of small for a remote Steve thought. “Oh well” Steve thought, “I’ll just take it up to my room and find out”.
Steve made his way back up to his apartment and sat down on his bed. He opened up the box and emptied the contents onto the bed beside him. Out came a remote no bigger than your average cell phone and a piece of paper with writing on it. Steve picked up the paper and started reading.
Congratulations on your purchase of the brand new “Universal Remote”. “Oh geez, so creative” Steve thought, “like they couldn’t come up with anything better to call it besides The Universal Remote”. Steve continued to read, “This remote comes with a 1 year warranty and blah blah blah, yada yada yada, “All the standard mumbo jumbo” Steve thought. “Alright, here we go. To activate, press and hold green button for 3 seconds. Sounds easy enough.” The remote screen flashed and then showed the message “Specify primary user”. “Steve, ahh Steve Gates.” The message on the remote changed to now say “Name and voice recognition saved. Please input fingerprint for identification”. “Sure seems like a lot of security features for a remote” Steve said. Steve went back to the instructions to look for where it said the fingerprint scanner was, but before he could find out a laser grid was emitted from the remote and scanned his hand and was gone. “Fingerprint identification saved”. “Well, now that that is over with, time to find out what this thing can really do” Steve said.
The remote had a screen about two inches by two inches, and below the screen were quite a few buttons. Directly below the screen were buttons for up, down, left and right with a button in the centre of them. Under those five buttons were twelve other buttons each with an assigned function. The only problem was that the functions had yet to be assigned to them. After reading a little more of the instructions Steve found out that the functions would be assigned to the buttons after the electronic device the remote was to be used with was selected. That seemed easy enough.
Steve pressed the button labelled scan. The screen was flashing the word “Scanning” and had a status bar scrolling across the bottom of the screen. This went on for about a minute, when the screen stopped flashing and the words “Scan Complete” popped up only to be replaced by three items. These items were his cell phone, his computer and the TV. Just for starters Steve selected the TV. The buttons that previously had no function lit up. The up and down arrows directly under the screen said volume and the left and right buttons said channel. The centre button was the ok or select button. Lastly the twelve other buttons became the numbers for channels along with and on and off button.
“Seems fairly simple” Steve said. Steve pressed the on button and his TV turned on. “Well at least that works”, Steve said, “Now how about the rest of the buttons”. So Steve went through all of the buttons one after the other, turning up the volume and then down again. Channel up, Channel down, punching in the numbers, it didn’t matter the remote worked perfectly for the TV.
“Now to see if it works with everything else,” Steve thought. Steve now selected his cell phone. The buttons changed to reflect the change in electronics and now resembled a second phone. The number buttons were still the same, but the on and off buttons had become the call and end buttons and the five buttons together had become just selection buttons. “Looks like it works for the phone too”
Last thing Steve had to try the remote on was the computer. So this time he selected the computer and waited for the buttons to change. This time something different happened, only the on and off button and the selection buttons were functional. “This seemed kind of odd,” thought Steve, “What about the rest of the buttons”. Steve pressed the on button and waited, the computer booted up and then the screen on the remote changed. There was still an on and off button, but instead of assigning functions to the buttons, since there were way too many, the screen grouped them together on the screen and allowed the user to scroll through them and select the appropriate one.
The groups were Tasks, Programs, Memory/Storage, Files, Control Panel, Hardware, and Network Connection. Steve selected the Programs group and the screen on the remote and his computer screen both changed to show all the programs on his computer. Steve then selected the Memory/Storage and was able to see that he had 2 hard drives, each with 120GB, one CDRW Drive and one CD burner. Lastly Steve selected the Hardware group and this brought up a list of the Hardware installed on his computer. The Monitor, the printer, the Keyboard and mouse, the speakers, everything. “ This thing is amazing” Steve said aloud to no one, “I’ve got to try this out on more things”.
Part 2
By this point Steve was starting to get hungry and decided to go to get something to eat. He finally decided on the burger joint two blocks from his apartment. He slipped the remote into his pocket and was on his way. Along the way Steve decided he was going to do another scan with the remote, just to see what cam up. “Scanning” again flashed on the screen, accompanied by the scrolling status bar. This time the scan took about three minutes, but it had a list of about fifty things on it. Steve was amazed, street lights, parking meters, cars, ATMs, computers in people’s houses, cell phones, PDAs, they all came up on the screen. “Boy, this thing must have some range”, Steve thought.
Steve was so amazed at the seemingly infinite capability of his new Universal Remote that he almost missed the Burger joint. After tucking the remote into his pocket he went inside. Steve gave his order to the cashier, got his food and then found a seat at a table at the back of the restaurant. A cheeseburger, fries and a drink wasn’t necessarily the greatest meal, but it was still a change from the normal.
Instead of leaving right after he finished his meal, Steve pulled the remote back out of his pocket. He did a scan of the restaurant and waited for the screen to stop blinking. Same as last time, there were quite a few things on the list that came up on the screen. Steve started to scroll through the list until he came to one that through him off. There was a listing with the name Adam. Steve selected the listing named Adam and waited for the buttons and screen to change. The remote change to reflect almost the same configuration it had with his computer. The five buttons at the top were selection buttons, those along with the on and off buttons were exactly the same. But the screen now showed different groups, along with some of the same groups, for the functions. There was still Hardware, Files, Network Connection, and Software but it also had the headings for Users, and Modes. This was really beginning to get interesting now. Steve knew that the only “Electronic Devices” that would have options like those would have to be androids, but Steve had never seen a real android to know for sure.
Steve selected the Software option and the screen change to show what programs “Adam” was running. The first thing on the list was “Cashier 2.0”. At this point Steve started looking around for this android and spotted him running the register at the front of the store. “Alright, now for some fun”, Steve thought, “Lets see what this thing can really do”. Steve went back out to the main screen and selected Network Connection. This brought up two connections, one from a main computer inside the restaurant and one from Adam back to the computer. Steve decided to turn off Adam’s connection to the main computer and see what happened. Adam abruptly stopped and stood ramrod straight, “Connection with central computer lost. Trying to reestablish connection”. “Connection failed, waiting for further instructions”. At this point all the customers at the counter are very confused and one is even demanding that someone come fix him so they can get there food. This goes on for about 3-4 minutes before Steve turns Adam’s connection back on and Adam goes back to work as if nothing had happened. “Now that I’ve had my fun for the day, I guess I’ll be going” Steve said. Tucking the remote back into his pocket, Steve slipped past the large group of people waiting at the counter and walked back toward his apartment.
The walk back to his apartment seemed longer this time. Maybe it was because he wasn’t messing around with the remote. Before long Steve had made it back to the apartment building. Steve walked in the front door and pulled out his remote. He figured he would have just a little more fun before heading back up to his apartment. Steve walked over to some seats toward the stairwell. They were far enough out of the way so that the desk attendant couldn’t see him, but still give him a good view of the lobby. Steve did a scan of the lobby and found the desk computer, the TV, the desk phone, a fax machine, and two vending machines. Steve decided to watch a little TV. He accessed the TV and changed the channel from the usual news station to the Spanish channel. The desk attendant quickly looked up from what she was doing, thinking she had accidentally changed the channel, and looked for the remote. Finding the remote not close enough for her to have hit the button she looked very confused, but changed the channel back anyway. After the attendant had settle back into what she was doing Steve changed the channel again, but this time to Sports Center. Again the attendant quickly looked up with the same bewildered look, but this time she looked around as if something else must be causing this. Upon not seeing anything out of the ordinary, she changed the channel back again.
Steve was just about to change the channel for a third time when, “Ding, new device detected”. “What the heck does that mean”, he thought. Not knowing exactly what had happened, Steve checked the list of the electronic devices with in range. As he went down the list, he still saw all the same devices from the lobby until he got to the bottom. At the bottom of the list there was now a device listed only as Melanie. “No, it couldn’t be”, Steve thought, “Besides, I don’t even see anyone but the desk attendant anywhere near hear”. It was at this moment that he saw Melanie walking to the front door from outside. “What the heck, can’t hurt to see”. Steve accessed the device labeled Melanie. The same grouping that had come up with Adam came up when he accessed Melanie. He allowed Melanie to walk past the desk attendant and to the stairwell, so as to make sure she was past the view of the attendant, before he tried anything. Upon Melanie reaching the stairwell Steve pressed the off button. Melanie stopped, ramrod straight, head down with her chin on her chest, and arms at her sides.
Part 3
Steve continued to stare for what seemed like hours. He couldn’t believe that the woman he secretly loved and loathed was really an android. This didn’t make any sense. Well, before anyone happens upon the two of them and ruins the moment, Steve tried to find a way to get Melanie to his apartment. Not exactly sure how he was going to accomplish this he accessed the Modes option. The screen changed to reflect 2 modes, Human emulation and Robotic. Under each of these two modes were two subheadings, Active and Passive. Hoping to get a better explanation some how, he highlighted Human Emulation Mode: Active. As he did this a new button gained a function. This new button said Info, “Well, this should be helpful” Steve thought. He pressed the button and waited for the screen to change. Now the screen showed what looked like a dictionary entry. It had the words Human Emulation Mode: Active and then a dash followed by an explanation. Figuring that this was the only way he was going to get anything done he started to read.
“Human Emulation is the most common of the two modes. Active setting allows the unit to emulate normal human emotions, actions, thoughts and movements. When enabled, this mode will allow the unit to pass as just another human being in any world setting. This mode allows the unit to survey it’s surroundings and make it’s own decision based on all information gathered. Many say that when in Human Emulation Mode the unit is very much a sentient being capable of independent thought and action. The unit will learn from past experiences and use this information to facilitate the units programming to emulate humans.”
“Well that explains a good bit, but still not what I’m looking for”, Steve said, “I guess I have to either figure this out real quick, or at least get her in a less conspicuous place”. He decided on the latter as it looked like that would take less time. He placed the remote in his pocket and looked over Melanie. He figured that he could get his arms under hers, lift her up and move her under the stairs and out of sight of anyone using the stairs. Steve was surprised to find out that her weight seemed to match what a girl of her height and size should be. After getting her situated out of sight and getting in a quick feel, he started trying to figure out the modes again. Highlighting the Passive subheading of the Human Emulation Mode and pressing the info button came up with another dictionary like excerpt.
“Passive setting still allows the unit to emulate normal human emotions, actions, thoughts and movements, and when enabled, this mode will allow the unit to pass as just another human being in any world setting. This mode does not allow the unit to make decisions on it’s own and therefore must be commanded. The unit will follow all commands by a recognized user and will wait for further direction when the command is completed while still emulating all other aspects of a human.”
“Ah Ha, just what I was looking for”, Steve thought, “Now all I have to do is engage her passive Human Emulation Mode and tell her to go to my apartment”. Going back to the main Mode screen, he selected the passive Human Emulation Mode option. With the exception of the occasional blink and the movement of her chest in and out, he would have thought nothing had changed. Now to try to get her to my apartment. “Melanie, go to apartment 2G and wait outside for me”. “User not recognized, command cannot be completed” Melanie said. “Well, that could be a problem. Time to try something different.” Steve remembered seeing a Users heading on the main screen and figured it was worth a shot. So he went back to the main screen and selected Users. The screen went blank, well almost blank. With the exception of the heading “Users” at the top, there was nothing on the screen. Obviously the screen wasn’t going to tell him anything, so he started looking at the buttons. To Steve’s amazement there was only one button labeled on the remote. It was a button that now said “Add User”. “Well, that seems pretty straight forward”. He pressed the button and waited for the screen to change again. As words started to appear he started to read, “Add new User or load stored User information”. “ Well what the heck does that second part mean”. Being as curious as the next person, he selected load stored User information. Now the screen reflected the original information he had given the remote when he first turned it on. “Hey, if it works I might as well use it.” The remote prompted him to acknowledge that he was sure he wanted to use the stored information and Steve pressed the OK button. After pressing OK the screen faded out slightly and a progression bar came up with the words uploading new User. When Steve thought he just couldn’t wait any longer there was finally a chime from the remote and Melanie said “New User recognized, Steve Gates”. He waited a few more minutes just to see if anything else was going to happen. The screen had changed back to the main screen and Melanie hadn’t moved or said anything since the remote chimed. “ I guess that’s it” he thought “Time to try this again”. “Melanie, go to apartment 2G and wait outside for me”. Melanie blinked and then said, “Command acknowledged” and started up the stairs. Steve was so happy he started doing an impromptu dance right there under the stairs. It probably would have gone on longer if one of the other residents hadn’t stopped to see what all the noise was about. Steve quickly thought up an excuse. Telling the woman that he was happy because he got an “A” on his last test. This seemed to satisfy the woman and she turned and walked back the other way. He realized that maybe he should turn off the remote and head up to his apartment to meet Melanie. So after sticking the remote into his pocket he headed up the stairs after Melanie. Better get there before anyone begins asking questions about why a girl is standing outside his apartment. When Steve reached his apartment Melanie was already there. Standing just to the right of the door and still ramrod straight with just the occasional blink and breathing. He fumbled for his keys and quickly opened the door. Rushing in he remembered that he would have to command Melanie to enter his apartment. “Melanie, enter my apartment and stand in the middle of the living room”. “Command acknowledged”, as Melanie made her way into the apartment and over to the center of his living room. He shut the door and locked it. He didn’t want anyone interrupting him.
“Now that she is in my apartment, I guess I can put her in Active Human Emulation Mode. I mean after all, I am a recognized user now” Steve brought up the Mode screen and this time highlighted the Active subheading and pressed Ok. Instantly Melanie came back to life. “What’s going on, where am I”? As she looked around she caught sight of Steve. “What did you do to me? Why am I here?” Steve’s brain immediately went into overdrive trying to think of a reason why this was happening. “Just because I am a User, it doesn’t stop here core programming from hating me” he thought. Melanie getting louder by the minute, “You were going to rape me weren’t you?” “I don’t know how you got me up here bu……..”. While Melanie was ranting Steve had time to find the off button. For the second time today Melanie stopped, ramrod straight, head down with her chin on her chest, and arms at her sides.