Fembots In History - Annie Oakley

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(Yet Another Saterical Introduction)

Harry: Hey Cricket, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.

Cricket: Oh, Brother!.....Ok Harry, go ahead

Harry: Nothing up my sleeve (riiiippp) Presto!

And it's.....Metallic Maria from Metropolis. She doesn't say anything, just buzzes and beeps.

Harry: Whadda ya know, an antique model.

Cricket: And now, here's something we hope you'll really like


Hi everybody! Cricket here once again with the handy dandy, just not as sweet as candy Wayback Machine! Woohoo! Once again, we'll meet a famous fembot who helped shaped history.

April: Where we go now miss Cwicket?

Cricket: Today April, my trusty lil helper, the Wayback Machine is set for July 4, 1876 - The Place; Cinncinati, Ohio.

April: How comes?

Cricket: We're off to meet famous sharp shooter, Annie Oakley!

April: Okies, but momma say we no back by nine, we...

Cricket: Yeah, yeah, I know....we gwounded. Someday, I'm going to have to help your mother grasp the whole time travel concept. Let's go kid.

And off we went, right in the middle of the Cenntenial celebration.

April: Ooooo wookie, big pawty!

Cricket: Yes April, a big pary in honor of America's 100th birthday. And we're just in time for the big shooting match between Frank Butler and Annie Oakley.

April: Who Fwank Butwer?

Cricket: Frank Butwer...err Butler is the man who will fall in love with Annie and make her a star. And if I'm not mistaken, there he is now.

I pointed to a tall lanky looking chap, holding his gun, taking practice aim at the targets. But where was Miss Oakley? After searching around we spotted a happy looking girl holding a rifle off in the distance. We walked up to introduce ourselvs.

Annie: Hi ya'll, I'm Annie

Cricket: How do you do Annie

Annie: Hi ya'll, I'm Annie

Cricket: Very nice to met....

Annie: Hi ya'll, I'm Annie

I quickly realized something was very wrong. As Annie kept repeating her greeting, I unzipped her dress and found her back panel already open.

April: Gosh miss Cwicket, you mean she's??

Cricket: Yes April. Miss Annie Oakley is an early model steam-powered fembot. And a small rock was blocking some of the steam, causing her to get stuck in a loop. I removed and sealed Annie up.

Annie: Thanks ever so much. I thought I was a gonna be stuck here all day. But who are you all?

Cricket: My name is Cricket and this is my little friend April. What happened.

Annie: Some varmit got the drop on me, and stopped me up with something. But why?

Cricket: Proably to prevent you from taking part in today's shooting match.

Annie: The shooting match!! Tarnation!! I gots to git!!!

And she dashed off, but we didn't follow. We looked around the area to see if my hunch was right, and sure enough, there was a well dressed fat cat, talking to two scruffy looking cowpokes. April and I hid around a corner to listen.

Fat Cat: I got a lot of money riding on Frank Butler to win this here shootin match. You boys make sure that upstart Annie Oakley looses.

Cowpoke: Don't worrk boss, she ain't even gonna show.

Fat Cat: Oh no??....Then who's that?

MC: Ladies and gentlemen. It's time for the big shoot-off between Frank Butler and Annie Oakley! (Crowd cheers) First one to miss loses. Miss Oakley has agreed to let Mr. Bulter take the first shot.

And take that shot he did...A perfect bullseye from 100 feet away. But when it was Annie's turn, her target seemed to keep moving. And indeed, the cowpokes were taking turns blowing the target with accordian fans. And since they were both hiding behind big rocks, it looked as if the wind was blowing the target around.

Cricket: Quick, April, give me your bouncy ball.

I took aim and made a ricochet shot that knocked over some small rocks on top of the big ones. Those small rocks were enough to knock both cowpokes out cold, and Annie took her shot. And so it went. Both Oakley and Butler each made 24 shots in a row.

Fat Cat: Tarnation!! I gotta stop that pesky sharp shootin gal. (He walks up to Annie) Mighty nice shootin little lady. I'd be powerful greatful if you would accept this good luck sacrf for your next shot.

Annie: Why thank you, that's mighty nice of ya

Fat Cat: Here, let me out it on.

I soon realized what the Fat Cat was up to, he put the scarf around Annie's neck, blocking the steam venting from it. The steam would build up and up inside her until........Good Heavens!! Annie get that scarf off quick!!!

Annie: Hi ya'll, I'm Annie

I ran up and yanked the scarf off her neck. Annie came out of her loop, and took her shot. She made it! 25 shots in a row. Needlees to say, Butler was so captivated by just what happened, he missed his shot.

MC: Annie Oakley wins!!! (Crowd cheers)

Sherrif to Cricket: What's all this about young lady?

Cricket pointing to Fat Cat: Sherrif, this man has tried to throw the shooting match. I think you'll recognize him as Diamond Jim Cutler, wanted in 10 states for various crimes including swindling old ladies.

Fat Cat: Curses!!

Butler to Annie: Little lade, that was the best shootin I ever did see. Tonight, dinner is on me!!

Annie: Why Mr. Butler

(They look at each other, love hearts all around them)

Well Annie Oakley and Frank Butler had their dinner and it was love at first sight.

April: What she eating miss Cwicket?

Cricket: As it turns out April, Annie had a voracious appetite for chrome. So the diner served her chrome plates.

April: But what all that gooey stuff on da plates?

Cricket: Hollendaise sauce.

April: How comes?

Cricket: Well April........There's just no plate like chrome......for the hollendaise


The punny end.


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