Christmas in Russia

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Act 1

The year was 2006. Santa Claus was busily preparing for this year’s Christmas trip. All of the elves were hard at work building playstation 3’s and Nintendo Wii’s. Santa sat down on his chair for a quick break when Ms. Claus walked in. Now Ms. Claus looks different then how your picturing her now, Ms. Claus looked to be around 20, tan, and long blond hair with light blue eyes. You see, the real Ms. Claus had died around the year 1999. So Santa bought him this little number for his own Christmas present. (And yes the new Ms. Claus is a robot.) The company that built Ms. Claus was stationed in Japan, they were the biggest and the best robot-building company in the world! The company named UberRobotics. The President of UberRobotics, Yoshi, was planning his Christmas vacation.


Yoshi was in a panic to find somewhere for vacation. He just couldn’t make up his mind on where to go. His own robotic assistant walked in to the room, caring Yoshi’s lunch on a tray. She stumbled and spilled the food everywhere. An icecube from Yoshi’s drink fell onto the world map. Yoshi removed the ice and looked where it had landed, Russia. Yoshi exclaimed, “That’s it! I’ll go to Russia!” He then looked at Daisy, his robotic assistant and said, “Thanks so much for making up my mind about where to go.” Daisy, who already quickly cleaning the mess she’d made, looked up and said, “Um, your welcome.”

Daisy was a one of kind robot. She had exclusive features not available to the public. Some of these included, having an assortment of animal ears and tails as add-ons, her skin could simulate fur, feathers, scales, or even a slimy amphibian skin, she could change her eye color, hair color, pupil shape, anything. Daisy could only be described as ultimate. Most of the time however Yoshi had her on these settings, Eyes: Brown, Hair: Brown, Ears: Cat, Tail: medium length Cat, skin: simulate only feel of fur. She usually just wore slacks with a hole in the back for her tail, and a sleeveless shirt.

Deep in the forests of Russia by Moscow trouble was awaiting Yoshi…..and Santa Claus.

Act 2

A few weeks flew by and it was Christmas Eve. Yoshi was on an UberRobotics-owned private jet piloted exclusively by robots. Yoshi was calmly reading a TIME magazine. While Daisy, was typing Yoshi’s speech at the next UberRobotics press conference. Suddenly the plane hit something which shock the entire plane. Yoshi looked around surprised. “What the hell was that!?” Then, a stuerdiss fembot came walking towards them. She had medium length black hair, asian, and was wearing a blue leather jacket and matching miniskirt. She said to Yoshi, “Sir, we are having some trouble with the air craft. I suggest you fasten your seat belt.” But as soon as she had said that the plane suddenly started to fall….

Santa Claus had just finished loading up his sled and checking his list five times. He had to re-check more often nowadays because of all the androids out there. Ms. Clause ran out of the house to Santa wearing the same type of outfit Santa was wearing except ending in a skirt of course. “May I come with you?” Ms. Claus said in a begging sort of voice. “Well I suppose I could use some company on a long trip like this.” Santa replied. Everything went great. Except once in Florida, Santa slide down the chimney only to find a fembot waiting for him saying that her owner said if Santa left him more presents Santa could use her for a whole year. Santa, feeling like he trying to be taken advantage of, simply said no and placed a lump of coal in the fembot’s hand.

Santa’s reindeer were very special besides the fact they could fly they were implanted with robotics too. (Which is why they can fly.) Reindeer Unit “Rudolph” had infra-red vision in his nose, which linked to the monitor on the sled. That’s why “Rudolph” always led. This night there seemed to be a problem with Rudolph, (unknown to Santa the elves had forgotten to check Rudolph and he only had half the fuel it needed.) Santa’s sleigh along with Santa, Ms. Claus, Rudolph and all of the other Reindeer, began to go downward.

Yoshi was now in a panic attack. Grabbing the Stewardess fembot by the collar and shouting, “Fix the Plane!” The fembot merely said back to him, “I suggest you calm down sir.” The plane hit the ground at moderate speed and threw everyone 10ft. Yoshi stumbled out of the wrecked plane, still a bit shaken by the crash. He saw the fembot look at the nose of the plane. He heard her say, “Pilot units 007 and 003 are destroyed.” Yoshi thought, “Oh great how are we going to get home now?” as he looked around he saw that they were deep in a forest area. Daisy climbed out of the wreckage holding Yoshi’s computer in her hand, wagging her tail. She spoke to Yoshi, “Yoshi, I finished your speech.” Yoshi jumped at her words, then turned towards her and said, “Jeez! Don’t scare me like that.” “Yoshi, what is that up in the sky?” Daisy asked. Yoshi looked up he saw a large red object soaring down from the sky. “It’s going to hit us!” yelled Yoshi.

Yoshi and Daisy dived out of the way from the object. It was Santa’s sleigh. The reindeer had all landed awkwardly and they seemed to have snapped their legs in have. Santa Claus and Ms. Claus got out of the sleigh and saw Yoshi. Santa went over to Yoshi and said, “Yoshi my old friend, what are you doing out here?” “Well, I was going to the finest Casino and Hotel in Moscow until that stupid fembot over there wrecked my flight!” Yoshi replied as he pointed towards the stewardess bot. “I see you still have your Ms. Clause bot.” Said Yoshi. “Yes she is great company on these trips.” Santa answered. “Well which way should we walk to get to civilization?” asked Yoshi. The stewardess bot spoke up, “According to my GPS system we should walk south.” She pointed southward. “Alright lead the way” Santa said merrily.

The stewardess bot walked quickly south and everyone followed. Then, out of nowhere, something swooped down from the sky and snatched the bot up. “What in Hell was THAT!?!?” shouted Yoshi.

The stewardess bot’s internal computer was aware of the rising altitude. The cameras in her eyes moved to try and identify the thing flying her through the air, but she couldn’t make anything out except for what seemed to be a large bowl above her. They were traveling very fast now her computer brain told her around 75 mph. Just then they slowed and landed gently in a clearly in the forest. The stewardess bot got to her feet and then saw a huge stone-like pillar come right at her. She had no time to react, it smacked her head clear off and shut all of her systems offline.

The stewardess bot came back online later. Her computer read the following information. Stewardess bot unit Rita 7231000 online…..Head repair on 12/24/06 was successful….Exiting start up mode….The stewardess Rita’s eyes opened and she looked around, she was still in a clearing in the forest but now there was an old shack not to far from where she was. Rita tried to move but she noticed she was tied up thick ropes were tied around wrists and ankles. Then a figure stepped out of the shack. She was tall and willowy, with silvery-gray hair but she still looked only to be 20ish. The woman staired with big white pupils at Rita. She said in a whisper, “Activate B.Y. control program 1.” Rita started to said, “I’m sorry mam, I have no-“ but then she stopped, a blank look came about on her face. In a robotic voice she stated, “Starting up B.Y. control program 1.” The sliver-haired lady then whispered in a more commanding tone, “Now, go and bring me those two other fembots.”

Yoshi, Daisy, Santa Claus, and Ms. Claus were now all beginning to get worried. They all trekked further southward. Daisy had been talking to Ms. Claus about various fembot things when she asked, “So Ms. Claus, Yoshi never told me all the features you have. Could you tell me?” “Well I was designed to be especially well gifted at cooking. I make cookies for the elves all the time you know, and I also help the elves clean the stable were the reindeer are.” replied Ms. Claus. Santa and Yoshi were busy talking about their fembots and exchanging stories about the times that they had with them. It was almost a merry group.

Yoshi then saw the stewardess Rita come out of the woods. Although he wasn’t sure if was her, seeing as she had undergone a wardrobe change. Rita was now wearing a red and black leather suit with some kind of weird collar around her neck. When Rita got closer Yoshi saw it had the letters “B.Y.” on it. Rita spoke before anyone else did, “Hello again friends. I have found civilization and suggest you follow me.” Yoshi answered, “But what in the hell was that thing that picked you up? And what are you wearing? That’s not the stewardess bot standard!” “I do not recall any of that sir, but all of your questions will be answered if you follow me, please.” Rita calmly said.

Meanwhile back in the forest clearing, the mysterious sliver-haired lady was thinking to herself, “Now that I have reprogrammed that stewardess bot to obey me and deliver the other to bots to me, my mission will finally be successful!!"

Final Act

Rita led the party the Baga Yaga's shack. "Misstress, I have completed my mission." Rita called out. Baga Yaga appeared out of nowhere behind the party and swung her pillar like weapon at Ms. Claus and Daisy, knocking both of their heads off. Then before Santa or Yoshi noticed, Baga, Rita, Daisy and Ms. Claus vanished. "Wait,...what the hell just happened?" asked Yoshi "I"m not entirely sure." answered Santa.

What had happened was Baga had used her stealth program to turn every robotic object in 5 mile radius invisible. Then she had Rita carry Daisy & Ms. Claus back to another hid out. "Do you think we should check out that shack over there?" asked Santa

"I don't see why not" replied Yoshi. Santa and Yoshi entered the shack and where instantly greeted with a face full of sleeping gas. "What....the hell..." were Yoshi's last words before falling unconsious.

At Baga's underground lair, Baga had just reattached the head to the now naked bodies of Daisy and Ms. Claus. "Ohhhh, these two are nice." she outloud. "To bad I'll have to basicly destoy them." she countiued

"Misstress, what will happen to me?" asked Rita

"You will meet the same end as these two bots." Baga answered uncaringly

"If that is what you wish Misstress" Rita said

"There! I've finished reprogramming these two. There ready for the only mission before..." Baga's voice trailed off.

Baga activated the two. They stood up and said in unison, "Shall we start our mission now, Misstress?"

"Yes. Go do as I told you." answered Baga trying not to look at them.

Yoshi awoke to find a naked Daisy standing over him. "Daisy? Why the hell are you naked?!?" he yelled

"Shhhh." Daisy said and kissed him slowly on the lips. "Follow me, sexy."

Yoshi did forgetting that Santa was still lying on the ground. Ms. Claus showed up for Santa and easily manipulated him too. Daisy and Ms. Claus stopped at another clearing in the forest, they got on their knees and bowed, Daisy's tail was wagging. "We have brought you the two humans you requested Misstress." they said in unison.

Baga appeared with Rita and smiled, "Good work, slaves." she then raised her hands and thick vines ensnared Santa and Yoshi. Yoshi freaked out when he saw the baga yaga, "Holy shit!! it's the baga yaga!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!....Santa can't you do some of your crazy ass Christmas magic or some shit!?"

"I'm trying but is nearly the 26th now and this baga yaga is powerful!" Santa shouted back.

"Struggle all you want. Tonight is the night my destiny finally is fullfilled! Since your going to die soon, I guess I can tell you the whole story, In 2078, Russian scientists will develop a fembot so advanced it can control nature, hence the vines. Using a hijacked Atlantian time-machine, they sent me back 800 yrs. Back then I looked very old and ugly but as I absorbed more children I become younger, stronger, faster, better. But nowadays my food source has evolved along with me, I now eat fembots. After I eat these three bots, all I'll need to do is eat two human souls before I can evolve into my ultimate from and help Russia take over the world!!!!" Baga Said and then laughed hysterically

"Rita, please remove your clothes." Baga said eagerly "Yes, Misstress" Rita replied. Then Baga's jaw literally dropped all the way the ground and slowly she started to "eat" Rita. It was like a snake eating an egg. As soon as Baga had swallowed she transformed a bit, she grew a little taller, her forearms and hands now like metal and had spikes all over them. She absorbed Daisy and Ms. Claus and she was nearly 10 ft tall, had six metally spike covered arms, and she ripped off her gown to reveal that the shiny metal plating the covered various parts of her body.

"Now, prepare to become part of the most powerful creature in the universe" Baga lauged. "Oh shit! I always new I'd die young with Santa Claus" Yoshi yelled Then there was a rumble you could hear it and feel it, a trumpet sounded The Elfin Calvary had arrived! Baga screamed as she was taken down in a flurry of magic attacks, arrows and a few sword blows.

Yoshi and Santa were freed from the vines and whent over towards the elfin army. "Thanks you guys. You were right on time." Santa said to the elves "No problem Big man, we deilvered all the presents too." said one of the Elfin Generals

"See Yoshi, I called them telepathically." Santa explianed to Yoshi.

"I see, hey, you wanna go throw around ideas for our new fembots? I heard one of the elves say Daisy and Ms. Claus arn't in Baga." Yoshi asked

"Sure thing, friend." answere Santa

THE END


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